//emo//rockin
//song//say it ain't so : weezer

//pinoy
so, last night, i watched a movie that i've been wanting to watch for years: the debut. although it is not a cinematic masterpiece...it is a great independent movie, and a great step forward for asian-american films.

for those of you who don't know, a debut--or debutante's ball--is a traditional filipino ceremony given in regards of a girls' eighteenth birthday...a coming of age party in a nutshell.

it's a great movie, for all cultures really...it doesn't alienate audiences of different races, it doesn't alienate white audiences. the fact is, i found it very easy to relate to since the story revolves around a filipino guy who isn't very in touch with his filipino culture...i thought a lot of the stuff regarding family was funny (all the damn food; filipino standard time...etc.,...)

//procrastinator
i really procrastinated this semester...seeing how the end of the semester is breathing down my back like a cheap whore...i really need to get a lot of stuff done before next week...damn.

//december
yay for the winter. i was looking at blog posts from a year ago...i was in a really dark place...the darkest i've ever been in my life. i'm pretty fortunate to have come this far...not feeling as low as i did back then...within a year.

//emo//smmmashing
//song//hurricane (acoustic version) : something corporate

//party
last night, my only plan was to have fun...at the least, with my best friend at my side. in fact, i had a lot of fun at the holiday party. i brought my best friend chris, and we met up with bo and nicole, as well as bo's guest manuel. then, alison met up with us. the night was nothing short of fun.

favorite sight: janice, a manager, driving a main street vehicle.

favorite sound: bob, telling us that janice went 101 twice on stage. (in the first 45 minutes)

favorite taste: $1.75 churro

most ironic part of the evening: being spieled to, at indy, that the ride just went 101.

grand finale: purposefully running into road dividers in the parking lot, crotch first, only to realize that the evening air had coated them with dew...which, in turn, left my crotch soaked. it was a sight to behold. it was, perhaps, the biggest laugh of the evening.

//happy
i was really happy with how the night went last night. i wouldn't change how it went at all. i got to hang out with a few of my best friends and go to disneyland for the evening...can't change that.

i never got in contact with tasia...but, i don't really mind it at all. i think she was working, but...you know...i've finally calmed down from the whole tasia thing. for the past week, or so, i've been caught up in the complete infatuation of the situation. i think, if anything, it was a really good jump-start for me...having not felt what it's like to be infatuated. it helped me not take myself so seriously for a little bit...it loosened me up. but...i think i'm over the whole infatuation trip. not talking to her for a few days has given me that clarity. i'm not saying i'm giving up on the situation...but, i'm going to take less of an active role and sit back from the situation. i like it that way...i don't feel so vulnerable.

i hadn't planned on having alison join us until she text messaged me in the afternoon. i liked having alison there to meet some of my closest friends...it was cool. she fit in nicely with them, and it made the night a lot of fun. the last time that i had seen alison was, like, a couple months ago...so it was really nice to see her again. we've talked every now and again on-line and whatnot...but, it was cool. the fact is, i like the girl.

//smoking
today will be the fourth day i've gone without a smoke. it isn't too difficult...i kind of miss it when i see chris and bo smoking...but, you know what? i can handle it. i know, deep inside, i don't want to smoke anymore...waking up in the morning with that ache in my chest was not a pleasant experience...i don't want to wake up in the morning with a worse pain in my chest...that's why i'm not smoking.

//emo//slammin
//song//sic transit gloria...glory fades : brand new

//horoscopes
um...i'll take these recent horoscopes as a positive sign, because i need some positivity.

[12/02] this is your month. anything can happen if you truly want it. use your leverage.
[12/03] you stand on slippery ground. you can look forward or sideways, but don't look back.

let's face it...if i want to find something out badly enough, i'm gonna wanna work for it. i'm not giving up so easily this time around...i'm gonna weigh out every possible option, and i hope to end up happy by the time that new year's rolls around. also...this time around, there's no use regretting the past or referring to the bad things that happened--at least not at length. the fact is, i realize that i have control of the situations around me, the situations i involve myself in...whatever happens happens...ultimately, i control my destiny.

//it's.a[holiday]
tonight is the holiday party...i'm taking my local best friend, chris g...and we might meet up with tasia and a friend of hers. note, i said might...right now it's uncertain...i'd hope she can go tonight and would want to chill...but, my expectations are absent really. as much as a lack of expectation is a bit un-nerving in the idea that i don't think that she's gonna go...i know that anything is possible at this point, and i'm still gonna have fun tonight, regardless of what happens. who says that meeting up with tasia is my only option? i could meet up with my will & grace/husband-and-wife team...or i could just hang with chris. i do what i want. things happen the way i want them to.

ultimately, i control my destiny happiness. that's more accurate.

//chick[rock]
there are reasons why i like girl bands...here are two:

[*] tsunami bomb (more specifically, the lead singer)
[*] face the fact

not only do these bands have hot lead singers...but, they actually rock. ftf also has a female drummer...and, dude, a girl that can rock out, esp. on drums...such a turn-on. seriously. also about ftf...they've got a couple asian guys, and a keyboard player who rocks out--if a band ever had a mascot, george, the keyboard player, is superman. as for tsunami bomb, agent m is so hot, and they just rock. plain and simple. oh, and the donnas aren't so bad...but, i just can't group them with the other two bands...but that target advertisement where donna c (the drummer) is rockin' out with random-old-drummer-guy...mmmm...COURTESY! (on donna c, not the old guy)

//rad[video]
okay...coolest music videos i've seen: brand new's sic transit gloria...glory fades, and taking back sunday's cute without the 'e' (cut from the team)...seriously. i like the tbs video because i loved fight club. and brand new's video is just a very well thought out concept...whoever came up with the treatment was very creative.

//what.kind.of[dance]is.this?
dutch.

//hurry
sadly...i've gotta agree with adrian g...the temple has become a tool shed.

we've got so many tools that it's starting to look like home depot. --adrian g

i gotta get out of the temple soon...i gotta cross-train outta there...it's turned into high school--despite the claim that it will always be high school and that it's just a part of the environment...such is not the truth because i remember a time when it wasn't so much, i've heard of attractions not too far away where such is not the truth...so this juvenile and petty high school-ish environment is all but a nuisance...not necessity...something that can be prevented. i just hope some of the new-hires who aren't getting it start to figure stuff out soon...i know that they're new and they're just starting to get the hang of things...but, man...some of the stuff they're doing is just not good. (in this case, tasia is a diamond in the rough when it comes to the batch of new-hires we just got...she's doing well at indy). as for the pettiness and stuff...it's coming from all sides...i'm not pointing the finger at one person, i'm pointing all of my fingers and toes at several people from different social coteries. seriously, the pettiness has got to, got to, stop...we're all older than that...and we've all got to start displaying our maturity. yeah...the temple has got problems right now.

//why.i.love[australians]
i was working boathouse on friday night...right as we ran out of fastpasses...in the meantime i was conversing with this wonderful australian couple. first off, the woman, with this wonderful accent, says to me nice braces. taken aback, i say thank you. she goes on to say back home, we call them suspenders...and i just smile. then, we run out of fastpasses. all the other guests are raging and pissed...while i'm still trying to carry a conversation with this wonderful aussie couple to explain what's going on...and telling them their other options. they were the only happy people in the boathouse at that moment while all the other guests were all pissy. next thing you know, the lady says would you mind if we got a photo with you?...you've been the nicest american we've met during our visit, and tonight is our last night in the states...i was immensely flattered, to say the very least. it's a warm thought that is still fresh in my mind =)

it's a nice feeling being a bright spot in someone's vacation...being far away from home is both a fun and discomforting experience...it makes me happy to think of that short moment.

//new.favorite.words
[~] metrosexual...and if you know me, you know the meaning of the word.

[~] PoMoSexual...literally someone who shuns labels referring to sexuality (homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, etc.,...). the prefix is a shortened version of the word post modern.

[~] manscaping...okay, i won't reveal the literal meaning...it's more fun this way...think of the word landscaping, then apply it to how a man would landscape himself. if you can't figure it out from that, think of trimming the brush around the redwood...that's right.

easily...word spy has become a favorite site of mine.

//outro
i'm horny. i miss you. the two are not related.
--me, in a text message to mig.

//emo//mixed[as.of.yet]
//song//seeing is believing : acceptance

//winning[quitter]
as of this morning, i'm quitting this whole smoking thing. i'm not just trying to cut down anymore, i'm just gonna quit--i'm not trying to quit--i am simply quitting. i just felt like absolute crap this morning...i didn't even smoke that much yesterday, and i just felt like hell this morning. i mean, i tried taking deep breaths and struggled...and it troubled me. so, before the problem gets any worse and before i get any more addicted, i won't be smoking. aside from the fact that, since last week, my desire to smoke has been cut drastically...i know that quitting will be good for me in the long run.

this is one case where quitters do win.

the truth. now that i've put that link up, i really can't smoke anymore.

there are better things that i can do other than smoking: learn to surf; take up ballroom dancing; work out...

//shows
tonight, i shall be seeing dexter danger...a bunch of cool guys that i know through chris, in addition to acceptance. rock.

next week, i will see the rocket summer with the lyndsay diaries and watashi wa. rock.

//asian[thunder]?
the thought has crossed my mind, and i actually talked about it with erin d last night at work. i'm actually considering putting in a request to cross-train at thunder when it opens back up. i totally wouldn't mind it there, i've gotta talk to some other people first though...but i think it'd be cool.

//while@exit
saturday night...

(joshua's boat passes by)
JOSHUA: ladies and gentlemen, if you look to your right you'll see a figure in a brown hat. it's a rare species...it's a female. (nate looks down at his own chest and covers up) oh man, i'm gonna get fired.

(nicole's boat passes by)
NICOLE: alright ladies and gentlemen, if you want to see something really interesting...when i count to three, you guys have to yell "dance break" to nathaniel over there...okay, one...two...three...

GUESTS: DANCE BREAK!!

NATE: won't you charleston with me... (while doing the charleston...)

(joshua's boat passes by, again)
JOSHUA: hey ladies and gentlemen, if you look to your right you'll see indiana jones' ugly cousin...(nate throws down his hat and walks away pissed)

you know, i wouldn't mind being a jungle kid either. not at all.

//candid
there's a reason why i'm being rather candid about me liking tasia...there's no sense in spouting bs or trying to hide it, because everyone has pretty much picked up on it since day one--since before i knew it. tasia prolly picked up on the fact that i liked her from the night i met her...if not, somewhere along the timeline of last week she must've picked up on the fact i was interested. so...yeah. it's a nice sense of honesty. sometimes, i think it's the most honest thing going on at the temple. it's the first time in awhile where i haven't been so afraid to let my hair down and show my true colors. it's comforting and a little scary at the same time. i mean, i like this girl...and i don't want to scare her off either in any way...and, i'm also trying to keep myself open, so...i'm vulnerable (more than ever, it seems), but, i've still got some self-preservation things going...since, i'm not really expecting much, if anything at all.

//day.one
let today be day one of a december to remember.

[*] december milestone one : quitting cigarettes.

forty-six days until i'm not a teenager anymore.
four-hundred-nine days until i can consume alcohol...legally.

//emo//mixed

//not.just[yet]
last night at work was kinda interesting, at the least. i was emotionally all over the place and out of place the whole day. it wasn't just the argument that sica and i had (which, by the way, in retrospect, was really stupid)...it was everything. maybe it's just the fact that i've been doing nothing much else in this past week but work, no school, just work. i mean, six straight days of work kinda gets to you, especially when you wipe school out of the picture. i can't wait to get back to school, just to see some different faces for once. nothing against the indy kids or anything, but...they're the only people i've seen for the past week, and everyone needs a break once and a while.

//[still]an.issue
i spent a good two-hours worth of time at the exit position last night. basically, you stand at the end of the exit queue and not much else...there was one point in the night where it was only couples passing by: young couples, old couples, middle aged couples, all kinds of couples. it made me realize that i'm still alone this holiday season, despite the fact that all the indy kids refer to tasia as my girl. as much as i can hope it may end up that way, it hasn't happened and there aren't any expectations attatched to it...so anything can and will happen there. it just made me realize that there's still some wishing and hoping to do before i can declare this a december to remember. i mean, in the end, tasia might not be the one i end up with, or she just might, or it could be some one else, or no one else. who knows? i can't expect anything to happen when i don't know what will happen. all i can do is dream and sort myself out throughout it all.

semi-related: this is my last holiday season as a teenager. i don't wanna go on record with 19 winters spent single. lol.

//no.one.likes...
no one likes to argue. especially over stupid crap. seriously.