location: gramma's crib
mood: not as bad as it has been
currently playing: screaming infidelities by dashboard confessional
garmamentaions: same as before.

i want to bitch so bad...but honestly, i don't have much to bitch about.

do i really want to bitch about the obvious same crap i always bitch about? not really.

i had a decent day, actually.

i was around my loved ones. i dodged a curveball from my boss. i saw a friend who isn't usually in town. i made a new friend. yeah...all that outweighs the bad.

if you can walk away from the day with a smile, and go to sleep and forget about your hormonal angst, it was a good day.

10 minutes of reflection do outweigh 20 minutes of bad news...i'm stronger. seriously.

how about some sacreligious thought about jesus?

what does jesus have on the dashboard of his car?
what does he say when he stubs his toe? ME!!
does his bracelet say WWID?
can he crip-walk on water?

man...i think i might be going to hell...

calling out to the astronaut
i need some of what you've got
i need to be high
-- something corporate : the astronaut

location:mainframe computer lounge @ csufullerton
mood: straining for a smile...dejected inside
currently playing: sounds like nelly furtado
garments: charcoal plaid zip-up, grey striped hollister co. polo w/thin light blue and maroon stripes, vintage wash abercrombie and fitch jeans, black/tan shoes, glasses.

okay...so, there are 1440 minutes in the day. it's funny how 20 minutes can ruin the other 1420 minutes of one day, and all of the 1440 of the next. right now, i'm really trying to make the best of my day.

i found out a reason why jennifer hasn't called: she hooked up with another guy...a big goofy guy, to add insult to injury. yeah...that made me feel like shit. i tried to call her yesterday, at first, i almost did, but i didn't know what i could say...then i couldn't get a hold of her.

then, the girl i was supposed to go out to lunch with today miraculously picked up a lunch shift at her work, on top of her evening shift.

i don't know whether or not to believe monique, since my trust with women has been shattered...just like my heart. how cliche...just like all the bad situations in my life: cliche.

my life is just one big cliche.

i try to fake happiness: cliche.
bad luck with women: cliche.
want to start an orange county rock band: cliche.

there is humor to be found in this...and i'm trying...i hope there's something in this entry that can make you laugh...because i really need to laugh right now. and a hug. cliche.

i wanna laugh. i wanna smile.

i wanna cry.

and you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor
and your eyes say the jokes on me
-- dashboard confessional : saints and sailors

location: chris's crib
mood: half-decent. could use some plans for tomorrow...but, whatever.
music in head: intergalactic by beastie boys
what i'm wearing: a coat of loneliness...and the same stuff as before.

isn't it funny how you want to kill the one's you love? i guess that's what friendship is all about...putting up with shit. but, whatever. i mean, sometimes, or a lot of times, you find out that some of your friends are really, really far below you on the ranks of maturity...and it gets annoying, a lot...but, you gotta deal with it...you can't go through love with things being perfect all the time...ugh, sometimes you just need a break from some of your friends...or certain friends...but, sometimes you don't get them...whatever. you still love your friends...no matter how imperfect they are...no matter how much you wish that they would grow the #$%! up...no matter how irresponsible they may be...no matter how stupid the $#!+ that comes out of their mouth is...no matter how annoying they may be...you know they still have a good heart...that's what matters most. they're your friend...24/7, not part time.

gotta love your best friends. if you can't love anyone else...at least you've got your friends to love. no matter how much of an asshole you may be, if your friends still love you, that's awesome. it works both ways.

happy valentine's day everyone. if you can't put a smile on your own face, there's always someone out there that can do it for you.

location: mainframe computer lounge @ csufullerton
mood: pretty good because...
music currently playing: ...screaming infidelities by dashboard confessional.
what i am wearing: preppy, again...cold and wet weather will do that to you. gap khaki cargos, creme ribbed turtleneck, beneath a grey plaid zip-up jacket, black/tan shoes.

i believe that ignorance will be one downfall of american society. ignorance prevents the average american from being able to distinctify race (biological make-up) from culture (everyday practices). ignorance prevents the average american from being able to distinctify arab from indian, chinese from japanese, mexican from spanish, and so on. ignorance presents this complex structure of whiteness that the average amercan cannot define, because there is no definition, yet still many minorities are labeled as whitewashed. ignorance is what presents un-justifiable hatred toward all arabs and muslims. ignorance is why the american minority cannot trust his white neighbors.

ignorance is the reason for assumption.
assumption is the breeding ground for stereotype.
stereotype spawns unjustified hatred.
unjustified hatred leads to the self-destruction of a society.

it isn't enough to say oh, i'm tolerant of all races and cultures and stuff.
you've got to practice it.

it looks like i'll be starting another streak of lonely, pathetic valentine's days...i didn't get a call back from monique, so, i don't think we'll be doing that lunch date, unless she miraculously calls me...which i find to be doubtful, since it falls into pattern. at least she's not calling back before the date...that's an improvement, depending on how you look at it.

personally, i think valentine's day is a little overrated. i mean, it's one day out of 365 in the year...does that mean you're supposed to treat your significant other like shit for the other 364?? well...i'm used to that...but, it shouldn't be that way...you should treat your loved one with your best every single living day.

spread your love tomorrow, and every other day. i'm sure that if you spread it far enough, you'll bestow it upon several people who need it.

waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
and i'm thinking awful things
i'm pretty sure that few would notice
-- dashboard confessional : saints and sailors

location: mainframe computer lounge @ csufullerton
mood: decent.
music in head: somewhere on fullerton by allister
what i am wearing: vintage wash faded jeans, white dress shirt flaring out of a simple black sweater, black/tan shoes, tan sox, glasses, blue denim jacket w/sleeves cuffed...back to prep basics, it was raining, and i had to layer up...if you've seen something corporate's punk rock princess video, you'll have an idea.

i had a surprisingly good day today, so far...

english was really fun today. we talked about gender codes in american society, as well as judgements based on appeareance. it was cool. i met a few cool people in the process...i must've been in a good mood all day, because i've been cracking jokes all day, at least i've noticed...it's easy for me to crack jokes when i'm actually socializing with people.

anthro was a little dry today, so was chem...but the lab class was kinda fun, and kinda not, but i made the best of it. i talked and hung out with kim the whole time, she's cool...we're both the non-typical asians, and we have similar musical tastes. she's been with her boyfriend for a year and a half...lucky guy...she's awesome to talk to.

actually, i don't have my lab class next week...so, i'm pretty happy about that.

okay...i need to type up a paper for a meeting that i don't really want to go to. i'm nineteen, i shouldn't be worrying about getting papers done for meetings for work. i should be having fun...but, i need to give this job a chance...i just started...i don't know if it's too much for me right now. ugh...i'd rather be working at a coffee shop, restaurant, or specialty retail (like clothing, or media retail) right now...not all this business-type stuff...not yet. it's too much.

location: mainframe computer lounge @ csufullerton
mood: hella good. keep on dancin'. (hum bassline)
currently playing: good ol' jimi hendrix.
garmamentations: vintage wash faded jeans, brown double-double hole belt, black t-shirt w/red something corporate logo w/white writing, black/tan shoes, red hollister zip-up hoodie w/blue lettering, glasses, smile.

yeah...so, i got out of my one class an hour early...i was the first to finish the test, and now, i don't have that class for a week...you know what that means: five day weekend muthaf-cka!!!...sorry, i just had to add in the un-necessary profanity, it was very necessary (five points for whoever can name the female trio who had the 1993 release of the same title).

yeahh.

i never thought i'd end up one of those people that walks around in faded jeans wearing shirts with band logos on them. i used to think that i'd be one of those guys who always wears preppy shit all the time and listens to trendy electronica and popular hip-hop to appease other people. i'm in the middle of it all...and it's nice. the gap has failed to produce products that i feel the need to purchase, whereas hollister and abercrombie and fitch have garnered my attention, and you'll see me on occasion in a volcom t-shirt. i never thought that i'd walk into hot topic to buy anything, but i have...and i dig that store. i never would have thought that i would have branched away from hip-hop/pop to go toward punk/emo/pop-rock/indie-rock...but i have. and i like it. a lot. but i don't feel that different.

it just goes to show how nothing is ever what it seems on the surface. your impressions of me may have changed because of my altered outer appearance, and my altered tastes, but...i'm still the same nate. same blood. same brain. same body. same person.

it's not going to be too long until i start laughing at old pictures of me in the uber-preppy-individualist clothes i used to wear...it's funny to think about it.

i don't even feel like i'm going in any definite direction with my music now that i think of it...at least i'm not going toward something...i'm just doing what i've been doing all along, kinda...doing what i want...now i know it a little more. i just say that i'm going in a rock direction because that's what it'll be labeled...but really, i'm just doing what i want. music is about freedom...that's what i don't like american idol, because you're just competing to be some record label's bitch.

that's why i like simon cowell. these kids are skipping all the things you need to do: paying dues, demo tapes, etc.,... and getting a free ticket into the music industry...and for what? no creative freedom. i'd be pissed off too, like simon, at these kids because they're getting free hand-outs into an industry that would be otherwise cruel to them...they get an easy in, while other bands/performers more talented get shit on day by day. rock on simon. rock on. at least he's honest, because you should be damn past perfect if you're getting a free handout. if i were a judge for american idol, i would not kiss ass. simon is not mean. he's honest.

so anyways...old intro format, got out of class early, won't have that class for a week, i've changed on the outside, but i'm still, i'm still jenny from the block, i know where i came from, rock on simon, f-ck the free record contract handout called american idol, i gave you a synopsis of this entry, then i'll give you lyrics, and then this entry is over.

pick up the pieces if you need them.
this world is cold, but just know you're not alone
-- home grown : you're not alone

i want to read good news
i want to be innocent again
-- something corporate : good news

okay...so, yeah, it was a pretty good weekend. let's start with friday...i got mad tickets, i'm gonna be seeing something corporate and the juliana theory feb. 27 @ san diego state univ. w/chris,...and sum 41, the starting line, no use for a name, and authority zero apr. 12 @ the palladium w/chris, sean, and dan. soon, i'll also be getting tickets to see american hi-fi, allister, the early november, and trouble is @ chain reaction...and i'm planning to see a showcase of local bands next week @ house of blues, if i can find someone to go with...but yeah...i'm seeing hella concerts the next couple months...it's awesome.

then, friday night i went and saw the recruit with sean and thomas...awesome movie. saturday, i chilled with natalie because she was in town, and we saw how to lose a guy in 10 days, then had lunch and went to target to say hi to sean...then we parted ways. that evening i went to the block to visit chris on his break...so...that was cool. yesterday, i did absolutely nothing, and enjoyed it. so, yeah...a weekend with my friends...it was niice.

yeahhh...okay...nothing else to say for now, so i'll just close this up for now...take care.

damn i'm feeling good today.

how many times i got to hear some fanatic in my ear
tellin' me i got to keep it real when they ain't payin' my bills
-- jurassic 5 : if you only knew