i wanna see some people.

it was really cool seeing miguel after the horrid play. he got to see all the people that i've been dealing with...then we hit the block for a couple hours, then we went back to my place to chill.

porn is cool when watching in groups.

then i saw j-vo, and we went to the block. and that was cool.

shiit...in orange county, there really isn't much to do other than go to the block at orange county and chill at peoples' houses. that's kinda sad. i wanna go up to berkeley sometime and hang out...from what i've heard, it's pretty bad-ass.

christmas was chill. i got dvds, music, and video games. don't need much else. i think my parents might get me a bass guitar for my birthday...i opened my mouth too much...i should've mentioned that i want to learn acoustic first...then bass...but...i still have time to drop other hints.

it's been pretty cool opening up to my mother lately. i actually told her that i don't like orange county, and that i don't feel like i belong here. i told her that i don't know where i belong, that it's something that i'll need to figure out...it's just been cool being able to talk to her and stuff...i've never been able to do that before.

do you ever wonder what the point of your dreams are? like, why are striving for this? will it come true...is it meant to come true? what will you do if it doesn't come true? what if it does? will the dream just disappear...or will it stay with you, whether or not it comes true?

long-term destiny bugs me.

i don't like having to wait for stuff...but, it's something i have to live with...i need to start buying my eastern philosophy books (i.e. buddhism, hinduism, islam, etc.,....). once i lean how to control my desire, or do away with it...i'll be happier.

i still would like someone right there to love...or several people in not-so-distant places to mess around with...seeing how i haven't found that something...seeing how it doesn't seem immediately possible to find that someone...seeing how i don't like where i live and how i want to move away and it wouldn't be wise to commit in a situation like that...but...seeing how that all can change with one person...

you never know what you're dreaming for.

what if you went your whole life not being able to read or write??

not being able to read a book?

not being able to write your own note to a loved one?

not being able to read a note from a loved one?

what if everything looked like this to you:

flkaj klfjdfskalf, aljdfdiofjaf. lakfjdlkfjioejflkaf.adk iofjakfmjfd. fjkdfja iofejng. iaga8ajkfds. ldfj, joiafjdf.

just re-evaluate the things you take for granted. happy holidays all, and give your loved ones a hug today.

happy holidays y'all.

okay...so, it might seem like a weird time to start...but, i think i'm gonna be turning to eastern thought for spiritualism. with all the stress i've got in my life, i need something that will aid me in meditation and a tolerance for all cultures. so, you'll probably see me soon reading out of the bhagavad gita and books on buddhism. ever since last year, reading selectiongs from the bhagavad gita, i was very interested in learning more about hinduism, and also after seeing an episode of the simpsons, my interest in buddhism has re-kindled.

am i turning my back on God?

no.

i've still got my faith in this God...this supreme being...but, i think it'd be wise to learn about things that are based on meditation and tolerance right now...and what better time to start doing so than the holidays and new year??

anyways...maybe if i learn to curb my desire, i won't feel so lonely all the time...since one of the main principles of buddhism is to alleviate yourself from desire.

i've always believed in karma...

maybe some people will view me as a heathen...whatver...i've got my beliefs...and i know what i want.

i want to study all cultures, and all kinds of religions...even judiaism.