is it pretentious to start a band web-site before the band has reached any form of existance??

well, in any case, i deliver the weblog for the un-discovered, un-heard, un-existant winter discontent.

apparently, that's a shakespearean reference...didn't know that...i just thought it sounded cool when i was talking about winter depression.

where//gramma's.crib
feel//decent+delicious...untasted
music//fall:something corporate
wear//faded.jeans / white.khaki.vans / light.blue.hollister.tee / glasses

i felt like a doofus yesterday...i had this big-ass entry, and instead of pressing the post and publish button, i hit sign out...so...oh well.

as much of a television junkie i may be, it's also really depressing to flip the channels.

it's really depressing to continually see this high terror alert shit all the time, and see how paranoid so much of america is acting. if our nation is that scared, then the terrorists are winning. they want us to be afraid of them...and we are giving into the fear.

another thing that pissed me off, one thing that always pisses me off: jerry falwell. people like him are the reason that i am so reticent to say that i am a christian. he disgusts me. he acts like he speaks for all americans and christians. normally, i will try to come to an understanding of conservative views, but his extremist-conservative views are so insensitive and reviling that i cannot stand the man at all. he's self-rightousness makes me nauseus...he thinks that because he totes the holy book, that it automatically makes him correct. anyways...he was defending bush and the war effort, and kept on retaliating to the anti-war people with well, you didn't say that when clinton was in office. i hate that re-buff...it is the most spineless thing i hear from stubborn right-wing extremists.

i'm going to go ahead an offend some people, but, i'm anti-war. i'm for the inspections, and i am also for the removal for saddam hussein...you can't be against something without standing up for something...i believe in diplomacy.

everything was the same in our relations with iraq in the past fifteen years...why now do we deal with iraq this way? why now are we waging another war? is oil worth the lives that are going to be spent on this war?

look, the people who say that being anti-war is being anti-american are stupid...it's bullshit. i am just as american as the next person. i am free to think and feel the way i do...american freedom facilitates me to be against the war effort. do not call me un-american.

i don't want to talk about the war anymore...it's quite depressing...and i'm actually in a good mood.

i don't know what else to talk about...

i really need a girl...it was just depressing to be out last night, hanging out at the movies...my buddies were awesome company...but, i kept on feeling so utterly hopeless and single with all the couples and beautiful girls all around...i'm tired of feeling so damn hopeless. i don't feel sexy or attractive at all, no matter what i do...i hate it. if i felt attractive, or was taller, or something...that'd be great. i mean...no one ever says look at the personality on that guy...ooh sexy. i'm lacking in the looks department...at least i feel that way. ugh...

i don't know what's making me happy today, but, whatever...might as well roll with it.

i'd like to have a say on the income tax
don't wanna help build bombs and that's the facts
-- beastie boys : alive

locale//mainframe.computer.lounge@csufullerton
mood//huckin' fungry...otherwise/pretty.good
music.in.head//find.comfort.in.yourself/midtown
clothing//faded denim jeans, white/khaki vans, tan striped hollister polo w/white, brown, red accents, glasses, watch...

i've been digging my hair lately...i've been using bed head to try to get some spikes in back, but otherwise, the front is getting combed down...so, yay for bangs.

i'm really finding my voice as a writer...i love composition classes. the essay that i am working on is about the stereotypes that i've faced, and i'm focusing on my high school career...so, it's honest, serious...but at the same time, you get a taste of my sarcastic humor...and it has payed off in the peer reviews. so...yeah...

and, i've improved a lot in my voice and movement for the stage class...it's pretty cool. i'm letting myself loose in that class, which is vital for success in that class...evelyn, my teacher for the class, says that i have improved a lot...which i was very happy to hear.

so...yeah, school is actually pretty good as of the moment.

if this whole performing arts thing doesn't work out, i think i'll become a writer. i think it'd be cool...i think i'd be a humor writer...or something...or a poet...

maybe it's something in the air...i'm just happier today. i'm not gonna complain...

i feel like such a television whore. monday night, i watched joe millionaire. i felt dirty, but, i was happy that evan chose zora...and i saw the million dollar paycheck a mile away. i've started watching that horrid american idol show...simon rocks. i've been watching a lot of trash lately.

the real world/road rules battle of the sexes has garnered a good amount of my attention. i never thought i'd say this, but, puck is cool. i think ellen is an uber-bitch...ruthie rocks...melissa got ugly...james and emily make an awesome couple...i want more syrus and less of jake's ass...how come tanya is still on?...christina will always be the hottest road rules chick ever.

television junkie...i swear.

i'm never going back
i'm over feeling sorry so just deal with it
there's nothing wrong with that
-- midtown : find comfort in yourself

location/titan.student.union@csufullerton
mood/somewhat.liberated
music.in.head/j.lo's [i'm real] as covered by the starting line
garments/dark khakis, off-white hollister baseball-themed shirt, charcoal plaid jacket, new white/khaki vans

i was going to vent about a girl...but you know what, she's not worth the space on my blog...so...onward.

i'm talking to crystal right now...i haven't talked to her in awhile...it's pretty nice.

i dug myself out of my ditch yesterday and did the things that make me happiest: bought myself some starbucks, and spent money frivolously at vans and virgin megastore...so...yeah.

i got the punk goes pop compilation, and it's freakin cool.

but yeah...i visited chris at work yesterday, and i ended up buying some new, sweet-ass kicks...so...that was nice.

okay...i'm gonna roll now...i've got class...later.

so tell me what do I need when the words lose their meaning.
i was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
-- jimmy eat world : sweetness

okay...the whole dating game...(i finally thought of something to go off about).

maybe the whole reason that i'm so damned unsuccessful at it is because i've spent nineteen-years denying the existance of such a game...where in the meantime, i've just ended up played most of the time. i've been raised to be a gentleman...not a player in this ugly game. yeah...being a gentleman might help, when i'm 40 and single. but i'm 19. maybe it's time to start playing...but, i don't know what the rules are, and even if i did, i don't think i'd like them...maybe it's time to make my own rules. i don't know...everything else in my dating life has thus far been unsuccessful, and damn depressing...maybe it's time to change my approach.

it's sad...because everytime i find out that a girl potentially likes me, i turn into this yippy little puppy dog that gives off the desparation vibe...maybe i just look pathetic. pathetic and nerdy. i don't know...ugh...

i haven't been feeling to good about myself lately...everything has been a blow to my self-esteem...

i just want to feel good again...

i don't want to be indifferent anymore...

maybe i'm just emotionally exhausted.

i need another good date, to be followed by another good date...and so on...instead of the one good date, then crash when i don't even know it.

i need to find a girl with a couple of good friends...and go on a kick-ass group date with her, her friends, and my buddies. that'd be ideal.

that's my big thing right now, what i generally want in a woman isn't that different from what other men look for (beautiful, smart, funny, blah blah blah)...but, my big thing is that i want a girl who i can bring to my buddies, and the fun-dynamic would be the same, if not, more awesome.

and you can see the daisies
in her footsteps
dandelions, butterflies
i wanna be kate
-- ben folds five : kate

i'm just curious...take the survey...
what do you really think of me?

i'm looking for honest answers...

location: mainframe computer lounge @ csufullerton
mood: decent
music in head: thin line by jurassic 5 f/nelly furtado
what i'm wearing, baby: light khaki cargos, maroon ribbed turtleneck, charcoal plaid zip-up jacket, black/tan kicks, glasses

okay...so, the worst weekend in the history of horrible weekends came to a close, and begins a new week.

you know what i'm realizing...i think i'm degenerating from an over-achieving-perfect-attendence-nice-boy to class-ditching-slacker-asshole. asshole is a strong word, but, it's what comes to mind. i don't think that i lifted a damn finger throughout my four-day weekend to do any of my homework for any of my classes, nor do any of my work projects. yeah...i'm turning into a slacker.

i'm looking for that second job...and that new love...and that self-esteem...and that record contract...and that band...and that new fix...

i've been having the weirdest dreams lately...i hope that's a good thing.

i'm not sad right now. i've recovered from the valetine's day/president's day weekend from hell...but, i'm not happy either...i'm just: empty. i need something to uplift my spirits. i just feel incredibly unfeeling today. yeah...something to uplift my spirits...

ugh...finding lyrics to appropriately end-cap your entry can be so tedious...

will you never rest
fighting the battle of who could care less
everyday you wake up late
sometimes i wish i was that way
-- ben folds five : battle of who could care less

location: casa de la chris
mood: funny how that word spelled backwards is doom, which just means destiny...i'm crap
music in head: hands down by dashboard confessional
outfit: dark cargos, black/tan kicks, off-white hollister t-shirt

yeah...not the best weekend.

crappy valentine's day--and the day before.

the day after wasn't any better.

yeah...i took my car into the shop to get the brake pads changed.
looks like that they've been ground to to rotors.
that means i don't have wheels until monday.
i had to tell my dad that the bill would be $650.

i had to go my job saturday night...which wasn't bad.
but, in laguna hills, everything closes at 10pm.
by the time i got to starbucks, it was closed.

so...yeah.

as bad as my weekend felt...i don't feel that bad.
except i don't have a car.
and i'm still pathetically single.

to me, coming from you,
friend is a four letter word.
end is the only part of the word
that i heard.
-- cake : friend is a four-letter word