//h.ere//cal state fullofsh*t--err, fullerton
//moo.d//feeling sexy
//after.thoughts//who's there to comfort me?

//three_and_1/2
that's the magic number, because, as you see: i'm running on 3.5 hours of sleep.

why?

claymation and the sarcastic genius of a gigantic irishman named conan o'brien.

seeing clips of jackass the movie in claymation made it that much more enjoyable.

//f.lirty_mc.dirty
i question the idea of whether i'm ever really flirting, because i usually play it hella safe in that area...sometimes i wonder if i come on too cautiously, and come off as sterile. maybe i need to put some nuts into my flirting...

also, i can never tell if a girl is flirting with me, or just talking to me.

if i had an ego, i'd say girls flirt with me.

since my ego has been damaged (a walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises), i can never tell if they just think i'm gay or something...

i say that because my sexuality was misconstrued a lot during four years of high school...in those four years i'd never gotten high...and there was no cool at canyon high school.

but, yeah...i'd love to honestly say that flirting around is working out for me...but...um...whatever. i'm an ass.

and a dweeb.

but a loveable dweeb.

and apparently emo.
with a pinch of hiphop.
two scoops of soul.
a pint of pop.
two teaspoons of punk.
a table spoon of dance.
mixed into a batter to be baked for 45 minutes at 450 degrees fahrenheit.

if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing i'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when i say when
--foo fighters : everlong

watch conan o'brien tonight!!! claymation episode!!! johnny knoxville!!! david bowie!!! claymation!!!

[~] yeahh...i wrote another entry today. [~]

//shal.low
how worth while can my personal-existance be if i base my happiness on how much attention i'm getting at any given moment? it's really lame if you ask me...but, it's me. and it sucks. hard.

i don't know when i started being an attention whore...but, i am one nonetheless.

//sol.u.tion_to_racism+prejudice
so...anthropology, we're talking about what is whiteness? blackness? the other -nesses? and how to solve this problem.

my reasoning and solution to the problem of racial misidentification:
reasoning: no one asian person represents all asians. no one black person represents all black people. no one white person represents all white people.

solution: because no one _____ person represents all ______ people, a racial prejudice projects an inaccurate picture of the individual, since we know not what circumstances encompass the individuals lifeways. instead of separating people by phenotype, separate people individually, person by person.

if the world were to adopt that way of thought, the problem of racism would be eradicated, and hatred would be bred from personal preference, rather than personal prejudice...

...but, currently it is no more than some radical idea, since a realistic modern cultural adoptation of such thought seems almost impossible...almost...

there is always hope.

it is the definitions of whiteness, blackness, asianness, latinoness that breeds racism, and racist practices worldwide.

seriously, once in your life, take a course in cultural anthropology, it will make you think about the world more...it will enlighten you.

//p.lace//in_the_light
//moo.d//not_right

//a.lone
i'm not talking alone in the sense of being single, but, i'm talking about being alone, in a room without anyone around...i don't know, sometimes being alone in that sense really messes with my head, big time. i kinda get crazy if i don't have anyone to talk to at all...there's a lot of vulnerability associated with that kind of loneliness...

sometimes it just feels like i'm temporarily dead and forgotten...

it probably says a lot about me and my mental state as a whole...

i was just realizing this yesterday.

i think this is rooted in my fear of abandonment...since it seems like people have been avoiding me or ignoring my existence since the day i was born (those of you who really know me will probably get the allusion).

//vanit.y
i've been becoming quite the vain person in my thoughts, but not the way that people are typically vain. it's a shallow way to question your self-worth, but lately i just ask myself why aren't people attracted to me?

it's stuff like that that makes me feel ass-ugly all the time...

sometimes, even in a crowded room i feel dis-enfranchised socially, and i don't know why.

i'm not going to jump into some shallow ass conversation either...

people have just been seeming really artificial lately...i guess myself included.

//da.mmit
i think i just need a real pick-me-up right now...the late nights at rehearsals have been hella-exhausting...i can tell because i've been cussing more, a little more bitter, a little more distant, a little less happy.

i just need something to brighten up the week...something good to happen.

girl you know it's--girl you know it's--girl you know it's--girl you know it's--
--stephen kline re-enacting the last seconds of milli vanilli's glory days.

Conscious self	Overall self

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

(05.15.03)

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

[~] don't forget to scroll down to see today's previous entry [~]

//gutter.head
i think i've become a gutterhead...and, the way i'm dressed today: someone that resembles a slacker.

(fyi: plaid oversized pajama pants, plain white-tee, hair all in shambles--as usual for my hair...as for the outfit, i'm not home, i'm in public)

i actually like wearing this outfit, so comfortable.

but, yeah...i think i'm a gutterhead.

when you're in a theatre department, at least in my case, you're bound to be surrounded by some pretty damn hot people of both sexes. if i were to be greedy (teck's term for bi-sexual), my head would explode, because the hot-ness is often on both sides, and it's not just confined to the department.

but, in every one of my theatre classes, there are a handful of these beautiful girls...and the personified testosterone entity in my mind is just thinking damn every second of class.

it's like walking into an episode of the real world when i'm in one of my theatre classes, because everyone is just so damn hot...everyone.

on the other-hand, the self-depreciating entity, which accounts for 60% of my humor base, constantly screams what the fuck am i doing here?

in any case...i find myself pretty fortunate to be surrounded by these beautiful-ass people...ass shallow as it may sound, it is a fortune. beautiful hotness is never a bad thing...not when you're college kid. it's the best thing you've got when you're not getting any.

trust me.

//fris.bee.golf
okay, so me and one other person cannot be the only people who know what frisbee golf is...right??

[~] scroll down...another entry for the day...thanx! [~]

//loc.ation//in a flaming paper bag
//moo.d//tired...but blissful
//bad.thought//fire island seems like a good place to get away with all my homies and meet women.

//politics_what.makes_me((tick))
okay...with the 2004 presidential campaign underway, as a democrat, i'm kinda not-so-thrilled about the whole thing. there are quite a few democratic hopefuls, and none of them really have that charismatic standing-out quality that you'd hope for...none of them have made me really want to give a shit about them...you know?

ruling the republican spectrum, probably un-opposed, is good ol' g-dubya. i'm still not a big fan of his--but, things could be a lot worse...so...yeah.

amidst all of this, i still wish that sen. john mccain would have won the republican primary for the 2000 election...i liked him, as a democrat, i liked him...i still wasn't a big fan of bush back then either, come to think of it. the funny thing is, as a democrat, i was rooting harder for mccain than i was for gore.

i guess a lot of it roots down to charisma...but, also the ability to lead a country well.

//odd_not.even::odd
it just strikes me as odd.

i had a class with this one girl last semester, and we probably had a few conversations, but not to many: just those shoot-the-bull kind of conversations.

this semester, i have crew with her...and she's single now, as opposed to last semester where it was the opposite, and we've been talking more, and the conversations don't seems as stiff--we joke around like we've hung out before...that kind of thing.

i don't know...i'm definitely not complaining...it's just really pleasantly unexpected.

i'm trying not to search for meaning in this, and just taking the whole situation at face value, because it's all really fun. i'm just fighting my old instincts of reading too deeply into a simple situation...it's difficult. but fun.

//((approach))
is there a civilized way of approaching a person who you consider to be quite attractive and just sharing a nice piece of conversation with? if this person is a stranger? if this person is someone you're mildly-acquainted with?

jeez...the ritual acts of courtship really do not get any easier by getting older, seriously. whether you're nine or nineteen, the shit is still difficult.

(see the equivocation? ritual acts of courtship=shit.)

saw you last night
dance by the light of the moon
stars in your eyes
free from the life that you knew
--ben folds five : magic

//ding_dong_ditch
i'm one of the cool kids.
because i'm ditching classes.

//poetree
okay...so, i finally updated, like, after a couple weeks of non-activity...so...
[~] easy
[~] i'm the guy. you're the girl.

go visit poetic impulse...tell me what you think, and read my 80+ works!!

//two_other_entries_precede_this.entry.today
so scroll down.
and eat fresh mothafucka.

//you.can.find.me//in_fullerton
//m.ood//more.than.merry
//song.in.head//plucked : something corporate
//be.cause//i just got ready...break in the mail yesterday.

//ebay.and((canadians))_rock
i was quite happy yesterday when i opened my mailbox, to find junk mail and a cd-shaped parcel addressed to me...which meant one thing: something corporate's independant release: ready...break. you can totally rely on on-line auctioning to find obscure items (you see, that cd is no longer published, and cannot be found in stores)...this copy came from ottowa, canada.

i love canadians.

they sell me rare music.

they read my weblog.

they gave us mike myers and hockey.

yay for canada.

//what_the.hell_are-we_preparing((for))
i made an observation a week ago...and it made me think:

a current fashion trend is the cargo pant/short/skirt/capri.

a current vehicle trend is the sports utility vehicle (suv). or, if you're rich enough: the hummer.

for me, i see this over-taking the upper-middle class suburbs...and it makes you think: are we preparing for some sort of jungle expedition or some sort of war?

i mean, a lot of suburbanites are scared shitless to go into the inner city, let alone going into some unknown territory.

see...i think that there's an underground suburban movement to rebel against something...but i don't know what.

i mean...first it was the cargo bottoms, then it was the suvs...what's next??

see...we've got the war/expedition apparel, and we've got the vehicles, all we need now is artillery...when fashion guns start invading the fashion cat-walk, then we know what's going on here...

there's a war brewing...oh, yes, there is a war brewing...the upper-middle class is preparing for war...

and in upper-middle class communities, the 25-40 age group breeds like there is no tomorrow...every single newlywed couple on my neighborhood street seems to be popping babies out left and right...every damn week i see some new baby sign out on someone's front lawn. i think they're breeding ARMIES!!! little suburban armies.

i can see it now...in a few years, on style television: the tommy hilfiger machete: expedition american style...followed by the donatella versace ak47 for the stylish suburban soldier.

(off the subject, but maya rudolph of saturday night live is HOT.)

//boot
now that i've successfully stirred paranoia into the hearts of my blog-readers...tee-hee...

by the way...if you've taken anything i've said seriously: share the drugs.

but, yeah...i'm done for the morning.

scroll down for my this or that tuesday responses!

slow karate doesnt go that fast
bring your taekwando, i'll kick your ass
--locale a.m. : slow karate

//this_or_that

1. Packrat or minimalist?
i'm a freaking packrat...if i have a bookbag, it's usually full of stuff i really don't need to be toting--but you never know what will come up...

2. Computer: desktop or laptop?
i want a laptop damnit...but, i have to settle for desktops for now.

3. Seashore or mountains?
seashore...because sally sells seashells by the mountains isn't as fun.

4. Carpeting or bare floors?
carpeting.

5. Drinking water: bottled or tap?
bottled...easier to tote around--carrying a sink around isn't a whole lot of fun.

6. Shopping websites: eBay or Amazon?
eBay...i usually go shopping on-line for obscurities.

7. Cute little kitties or big scary tigers?
kitties!!!

8. Front door or back door?
that's a sexual reference...tee-hee-hee...

9. Lots of jewelry, or little/none?
little-to-none...can't afford the bling-bling, if you know what i'm sayin.

10. Thought-provoking question of the week: At the last minute, you obtain tickets to an event you're dying to attend. However, you have to work that day! Do you ask the boss for the time off, or just call in sick?
call in sick...call in sick...call in sick. that's when making excuses becomes really fun.

//w.here//middle_of_life
//emo.tional_st.ate//happy.face
//song.in.head//ignition : r. kelly
//why//because it gets me in the mood to sleep with underage girls

//start:friday.night
so...i'm not doing much, until i go to thomas' house.

before doing so, i get this bright idea and fill my flask with jamaican rum...and it was full by the time i left home.

i take a few swigs at thomas' house, then we go to the movies to see x-men 2.

i take a few more swigs at the theatre.

by the time the movie starts, the whole first 5 minutes looks pretty damn trippy.

by the time i get out, i'm only half-way done with the flask...so, i see sean, chris, thomas, and lisa there, and we're chilling...and i'm drinking.

i see jessica and the drama kids, and i give jessica a drink...and i drink some more.

next thing i know, the flask is pretty much empty, and my buddies are saying i'm not allowed to drive and that i'm wasted.

the fact is, i wasn't that bad. i can hold my freakin' liquor...but, that was an interesting night, and it was fun, i forgot about all the shit that was on my mind.

//the.following.day
i woke up because i had to, and went to work.

that was all just a blur to me, because i may have been semi-hungover...but, i was still pretty cheery...but, fucking tired.

i go back home and have myself a little lunch...

it's around 4:30-5-ish that i lay down for a little nap.

i don't wake up until 7. the next morning.

so...we'll just say that i got a shitload of sleep.

it was good sleep though...good sleep.

//first.dress.rehearsal
yeah, yesterday was more sewing, more costumes, more inane humor and random shit coming out of my mouth and mind.

you think you'd be energized after more than a half-day's sleep...but, it was quite the contrary...

but, whatever.

it was fun, and the crew is cool.

decision for the moment: should i go to drama prom?

eat fresh mothafucka.
--me to stephen kline, imitating our subway sandwich makers yesterday. they were so gangsta and thug-hard-core.