i've got a two year plan.

i'm not gonna stay in orange county for long, at least i don't plan on it.

i plan on getting out in two years.

right now, i'm looking at the following colleges to transfer to:
university of the arts in philadelphia, pa
marymount manhattan in new york
sarah lawrence in new york
...nyu in...you know where

i'm really interested in finding out what life has to offer me.

i think that's my problem, i'm so damned impatient, i want my life now.

i think it's really crazy that i'm not the same nate that you knew a few months ago...at least i think i've changed considerably.

whatever.

would you still want to know me if i was not myself?

happy halloween.

my dissatisfation with living in a city such as mine has brought me great frustration, but at the same time, given me some liberation in the fact that i now know that there is a place for me in the world. i can't wait to get on that vacation and start searching for my place of being...oh how nice it would be.

i've decided to be horny for halloween. now...the red horns may throw you off for a second...you may get me confused with the prince of darkness...no...let me state the record, i am simply horny...i have not the ability to cast you off into eternal damnation. horny.

H. O. R. N. Y.

horny.

so, i think we've got the point now.

okay...so now, not only am i seeking a change of major study...but i'm also seeking a change of location. i feel like one of those kids who cannot sit still...at least lately i do. so discontent with everything...although everything seems to be fine. i feel like the female lead from six degrees of separation. i believe her character was ouisa...short for lousia...anyways...if you've seen the play or movie, you know what i mean. if you don't know what i mean, in the play, there's a symbolism for her within a painting...the painting is painted on both sides of the canvas...on the front are circles, all of different colors, all representing control...but on the other side are dark, divid colors, or no definite shape...this represents chaos...do you get the metaphor?

you see...in my life, i'm fronting control...but behind it, the side that most of you are seeing is the chaos...the side that i'm expressing on-line, not in person, is chaos.

maybe i need to look at colleges away from orange county...i heard humboldt has a good theatre program...but i also want a good voice program...i need help there...maybe i need to move away from california completely...interesting though...eh?

i don't know what i'd do away from california...let alone so. cal...but, you know what? i can only see good coming out of it...if i'm looking for change, i might as well dive in head-first, right?

i don't know...i really need to start thinking before i act...i've never really considered anything to this magnitude of seriousness before in my life...but, i don't know if i can really take feeling misplaced anymore...i need to take a vacation soon.

that's what i need.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN!!!...that'll open my eyes...clear my view. that's what i need, a clearview.

if there isn't a rock band called that yet, i'd like to start a rock band, or at least start scouting one, just like the pop group i'm scouting, but the rock band will be called clearview...sounds like a christian rock band name. hmm...thoughts...

one more thing, big shouts to my little playa holdin it down up in no.cali...yo, mig diggy...keep it real, knowhatimsayin? word to your mother, and i'm out...yeaah.

i'm pondering upon a major switch...or rather, i should say, switching my major. anyways...i'm thinking of dropping musical theatre for either an acting b.a. or minor and a vocal music b.a. or minor...or a combination of the two. tough choice...i have a few weeks until my appointment with my theatre counselor....so i hope to figure it out by then.

i'm also wondering to let this be my new diary...rather than the one @ free open diary with the diarist name Saint4TheConfused. I'll figure my shit out...i've got a lot to figure out right now...too much going on...too much craziness right now...life is exhausting.

life at csufullerton is awesome...but...i don't know...as much as i love orange county...i can't help but feel misplaced here. i don't know...it's odd. it's too suburb for me...i need come city...or something...something where i can just walk down the street and go somewhere...instead of just some damn other street named after something it was built over. it's not that i detest the suburbs, that's far from the case...it's just that i don't feel right here...in conservo country, in a place where you can't walk down the street and find trouble, or a restaurant...only another street of houses...damnit...i need something.

okay...so...when one class has been temporarily cut from your schedule, you realize how much more time you'll have on your hands.
it's nice.
what to do...it's been awhile since i've had the pleasure of free time.
i'm looking for a girl...
or am i looking for a girl who i am destined to be with?
right now, i don't know...
to seek her out, or not to seek her out...difficult choice.

life is too odd...too short to reflect on the inherent oddities.

what do you do when life is over?

do you just disappear?
or is that just a physical concern?

whatever the weather, we'll weather the weather, whether we like it or not.

i really hope this works this time...
i've just started using blogspot, and it wasn't working with my comp yesterday...
i think i was talking about how good fried chicken sounds...it doesn't anymore...
but i still fancy a fuck.
anyways...these past weeks have been quite out of the ordinary, with all the busyness.
it's quite nutty.
nutty nutty nutty.
i miss hanging out with my friends...although i have made friends on the laramie project crew.
by the way, if you're in the OC area this weekend, you should see it...contact me about the show.
the laramie project is awesome. awesome script, awesome performances.
i'm out...check you later.