whew...

so, like, i cleaned out my room...i took all of the crap out of my drawers and all the stuff i don't need...and filled up a jumbo trash bag to the brim. it isn't until you look back at all the stuff you have kept for the past four years, all the stuff that you've written, it isn't until then when you realize how much a geek you really are. it was funny...i don't know why i kept ninety-nine percent of the stuff i threw away...what was really funny was reading all the notes that i'd passed in high school (i didn't throw those away). the old journals were funny to read. looking at all the old pictures was also funny...seeing the faces of girls i used to date...i still look weird. oh well...i saved more things than i thought i would...but, i threw away a lot of stuff as well. my room is finally clean!

not that i really matters, but for those who are looking for an innovative hip-hop group, listen to n-e-r-d, if you haven't started listening to them already. it's basically the neptunes, the hot producing team behind a lot of the hip-hop, pop, and rock songs you've heard on the radio...the different sounding songs. their album in search of... is awesome. it was pulled off of shelves promptly after it's first release to completely re-do the album. initially, the album was done with all electronic instruments...drum machines, synthesizers for guitars, etc.,...it would've sounded like every other hip-hop album. but, when it was re-released, the album was re-done with the band spymob to back the tracks. the live instrumentation is awesome...it's an album that rides that hybrid border between hip-hop and rock, but in a good way (unlike limp bizkit--i think that they're boring, just my opinion).

the point i'm getting at is that hip-hop has a lot of hope for survival...with groups like n-e-r-d and the roots implementing live bands to back the lyrics, it opens different doors for creativity. in a time where hip-hop can seem un-creative and lacking innovation...it's great to hear bands like these garner some sort of popularity.

yeahh...okay...i'm done for now. i turn 19 next thursday. woo-who.

okay...the new year so far.

dec. 31, 02: worked a bit. went to one new year's party...the host tried setting me up with another girl, but, i wasn't too fond of getting ambushed for the set-up, so i left and went to another new year's party: lindsay's house w/josh, barb, tracy, mooni, michael, rooney, reece, brit, and pat...and it was fun. i was the sober one that night, since i picked up jess and tyler that next year. it was pretty fun...it was the most fun that i had with the drama kids in awhile...it was refreshing since it was the first night that i got to really let my hair down and not be so damned busy...although it would've been nice to get plastered with linds and mooni...but, i had work the next day, and i had to drive jess and tyler home. so...oh well.

jan. 1, 03: worked a bit. hung out with chris and sean in the evening. sean bought my interior cell phone lights for christmas...thank you buddy. it was cool...we went to the block for half an hour. then...chilled at chris' house. brit came over too. i was sean's fashion advisor for the evening, and i made him look good.

jan. 2, 03: worked a bit. went to the beach in the evening with the drama kids. played truth or dare around the bonfire. highlight: i ran around in my boxers and wife-beat on a dare, then earned ten dollars (gas money) when josh pantsed me...i was butt-ass naked for a few seconds...but, i got gas money. then, chilled at lindsay's.

jan. 3, 03: worked a bit. then, chilled with sean for a bit. got depressed over single-dom. went home. slept.

jan. 4, 03: went to disneyland with the drama kids. it was the worst trip to disneyland ever. when one person's negativity brings down a whole group...it sucks. i'm not doing that again...not if it'll be like that. then me, josh, and pat chilled with linds at her crib.

jan. 5, 03: said peace-out to josh at tu tu tango...got over being broke and had fun...then worked a bit.

jan. 6, 03: worked a bit. realized that last year to that day was anne and my first date...got depressed at work because of all the valentine's day stuff that i had to put back on the shelves...all that just made me feel really lonely...but, yeahh.

jan. 7, 03: chilled with mike minsky...that was surprising...nice surprising...it was really cool seeing him...i thought he'd disappeared from the face of the earth...not really, but you know what i mean. it was cool...then, i'll work a bit after i finish this.

a week into 2003 isn't so bad...still don't know what i'm gonna do about my b-day...but, whatever. it's a little over a week away. no worries. i'm actually happy, not over-stressed, but lonely. there's that loneliness thing.

i'd just like to have that security of being with someone that potentially loves me...knowing that there'll be someone to bake me cookies on valentine's day (or some equivalent)...someone that'll make me feel like what i'm doing for that person really matters, and something where i can reciprocate that feeling...if you've ever been in love, and you're not anymore, you're always missing that feeling...no matter how much you like being single, there'll always be a part of you that misses having someone...ugh, i'm dealing with it, at least.

there's gotta be someone...maybe miss right, maybe not...at least miss right now...there's gotta be that much around here.

not going to say much...the past week has been fun...indeed, a happy new year so far...i shall elaborate when i get the chance.

my birthday is in a week or so, and really, i don't know...it's just my nineteenth birthday...i'm excited, but i'm not at the same time...i'm really just looking forward to the presents, and an excuse to take a day-off from work...but, really, i don't know what to do with the time off, or what i want for my birthday...i just wanna be with my friends, and presents...but, friends are more important...i don't know what i wanna do...oh well...i have nine days to figure that out.