//emo//awesomely.awesome
//song//eight of nine (acoustic) : the ataris
//quote//hold high hopes, not high expectations.

//[unexpected]twist.of*fate
the last time that i posted, i pretty much stated my disdain for the holiday season. this week, surprisingly, has served as a prelude to what i hope is a december to remember.

by the beginning of this week, i'd all but given up on anything having to do with love and the holidays.

okay...so tuesday night at work...i walked in with a pretty horrible mood. i saw all the holiday decorations, the big holiday tree and everything...and it just reminded me off all the holidays before that--which are not fond memories for the most part. but...something happened tuesday night that i really did not expect.

[old rule] i won't be attracted to disney girls, or at least girls who work disney attractions, or at least not indy girls.

well...that old rule is bending, bending, broken...shattered at the least. having been advised by two people to throw that rule out, tuesday's revelation seemed to advise me to do so. il and sica advised me to not set up that boundary because i'll never know when i'm passing up a good thing...so...hey, who am i to question advice like that?

anyways...back to tuesday. long story short because i don't feel like leaving the details to every so-and-so that browses this journal...i met a girl named tasia and she's really cute, really cool, really nice...and i'd like to get to know her more. i didn't really waste any time in starting to talk to her and whatnot. that night i met her, i felt really lucky because i had a lot of opportunities to work with her and talk to her...which was really cool.

am i expecting anything to happen? as lessons have taught me, no, i', not.

am i hoping something will happen? oh yes. i am very hopeful. but, we'll find out as time goes by and we'll see how getting to know her works out.

the thing is...i haven't had a crush/attraction like this in a long time. i feel like i'm in high school middle school again--but this time, it's not fifty girls that i have big crushes on--it's just this one. it's fun...but kinda scary at the same time--i haven't felt this vulnerable in a long time. i'm really putting myself out there...but, sica said if you never let yourself be vulnerable, you'll never feel love. it's a different feeling than anything i've felt in a very long time. it's exposed a very human side to me...a side i haven't shed for awhile...but, it's good.

all this has given me hope for the winter. it's a glimmer.

it's funny when kamilah talks about winter couples, she says so-and-so has this guy, another so-and-so has his girlfriend, and i've got tasia. my usual retort is that i don't really have tasia...but, i don't know...it's something i smile about.

//thanksgiving
so, i spent my thanksgiving evening at megan o's house, and it was fun...and sort of nostalgic. it just really reminded me of my earlier childhood, when i was really little. megan reminds me of my mom. megan's 22, and she's got a little 22-month-old. my mom was younger when she had me...when i was little, it was me, my mom, and my grandmother living in a house. meg lives with her little one, two little sisters, and mother...and it was really nice meeting all of them. i think the reason why i like having megan as a friend is the fact that she reminds me a lot of my mom...really smart, really strong...it's nice to have a friend like that. it really reminded me of old times with my family because i was, once again, the only male there.

//wish
with hopes that i've recieved an early holiday wish...i wish everyone a happy holiday season.

//p.s.
i love australians.

//emo//decent
//song//the tops of trees are on fire : the lyndsay diaries

//how.the[holidays]stack.up
with thanksgiving around the corner, that means that the holidays are beginning. okay...so, the holidays are not my favorite time of year. for the past couple years, the holidays have just been horrible for me. check it:

[2001] choir kids have been pissing me off hardcore for the holiday show, so i get plastered before opening night, and do the show drunk. no one says anything, i get a hangover the next day. audra breaks-up with long-time boyfriend, i try expressing how long i've had a crush on her...she's already seeing another guy. essentially, i totally missed the kick-off. hardcore.

[2002] total crash and burn, emotionally...too many classes, still recovering from annie, and a haze of bad dates. i was involved in a two really bad plays, and i couldn't stand any of the kids in them...so...yeah. parents go out of town, and my loneliness gets amplified by a million...i go into a fit of depression and question my mental state...thought that i was clinically manic-depressive...still don't know if i am or not...but...suicidal thoughts had arisen during that time...it wasn't fun at all.

[2003] ??

so far, the holiday 2003 season begins with a haze of bad dates and getting stood up.

i really need a december to remember.

//praise.chorus
i'm on my feet, i'm on the floor, i'm good to go
and all i need is just to hear a song i know
i wanna always feel like part of this was mine
i wanna fall in love tonight.
--jimmy eat world

//maybe
maybe the cure for this loneliness and streak of bad holiday luck is right under my nose. maybe i'm just looking in all the wrong places.

all i know is that i'm hoping that, whatever it is, it comes soon. really soon.

whatever it is...i hope it's not just someone that just wants to make out with me for a short bit...i want something that'll mean something...or something that'll start to mean something...something special...ugh...you can't want that though...because those things just happen.

i wish it would happen now.

//emo//rockin
//song//ever so sweet (live concert version) : the early november

//emasculated.for.a.couple.days
okay...there is nothing i hate more than to not have able transportation on-hand...so, having my car in the shop for a day drove me nuts. i was hella happy when i got the car back, in working condition, this morning.

//dealing.with[guests]
meanwhile...last night at work......

bratty boy: we're in a hurry. we need to get on really soon. like now.
me: okay, but you're a party of 10, and i don't have 10 seats in this next car, so you're gonna have to wait.
bratty boy: oh, okay. that's cool...um, we'll sit separately if you need us to.
me: that would be awesome...i'll have four in the middle right now.
bratty girl: WE NEED TO SIT TOGETHER. WE'RE A GROUP! WE NEED TO SIT TOGETHER!!
me: but he said--
bratty girl: (indistinct screaming in my face)

damn guests.

//the.early.november...in.late.november
hollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly crap, the show was so awesome.

i really enjoyed all the opening bands...especially copeland...then when the headliners came on...man, i rocked out. hearing ever so sweet live was surprisingly awesome...the full band brought a whole different element to the song...it was rad. i was having a horrible week...and, well...the concert was a wonderful catharsis for me. especially the last song...every night's another story gave me enough inspiration/energy to mosh and take out every frustration on my mind. it was grrrreat.

//could've
i could've picked up a shift to work today...or tomorrow for that matter. the fact is, i work six days in a row, starting tuesday...and, i don't feel any need to begin my streak early...i don't feel any need to go back to the temple of drama. not at all.

//date
i need to find a date for the disney holiday party next wednesday...it's not as easy as i think i'd like it to be. damn my idealism.