//emo//decent
//song//the tops of trees are on fire : the lyndsay diaries

//how.the[holidays]stack.up
with thanksgiving around the corner, that means that the holidays are beginning. okay...so, the holidays are not my favorite time of year. for the past couple years, the holidays have just been horrible for me. check it:

[2001] choir kids have been pissing me off hardcore for the holiday show, so i get plastered before opening night, and do the show drunk. no one says anything, i get a hangover the next day. audra breaks-up with long-time boyfriend, i try expressing how long i've had a crush on her...she's already seeing another guy. essentially, i totally missed the kick-off. hardcore.

[2002] total crash and burn, emotionally...too many classes, still recovering from annie, and a haze of bad dates. i was involved in a two really bad plays, and i couldn't stand any of the kids in them...so...yeah. parents go out of town, and my loneliness gets amplified by a million...i go into a fit of depression and question my mental state...thought that i was clinically manic-depressive...still don't know if i am or not...but...suicidal thoughts had arisen during that time...it wasn't fun at all.

[2003] ??

so far, the holiday 2003 season begins with a haze of bad dates and getting stood up.

i really need a december to remember.

//praise.chorus
i'm on my feet, i'm on the floor, i'm good to go
and all i need is just to hear a song i know
i wanna always feel like part of this was mine
i wanna fall in love tonight.
--jimmy eat world

//maybe
maybe the cure for this loneliness and streak of bad holiday luck is right under my nose. maybe i'm just looking in all the wrong places.

all i know is that i'm hoping that, whatever it is, it comes soon. really soon.

whatever it is...i hope it's not just someone that just wants to make out with me for a short bit...i want something that'll mean something...or something that'll start to mean something...something special...ugh...you can't want that though...because those things just happen.

i wish it would happen now.