//emo//still excited...hopeful
//song//jus friends (sunny) : musiq soulchild

//movies
right now i'm checking movie times at the same time that i'm typing this entry...so...yeah...love actually seems like a good date movie, no? right. maybe elf if not the former.

//never[know]
i was thinking...

okay, so like, four years ago...if you asked me, i wouldn't have thought that carie would be my friend ever again. i never would have thought that she'd be my friend withing four years, let alone a year. the next year, our friendship rekindled after a coffee outing, an awkward advance (on my part), and a english class. it's just funny how that worked out.

the fact is, you never know how things are going to turn out in the long run. you never really know what you want or what you're gonna get. you never know how you're going to turn out in the future. nothing is ever certain...oddly, that comforts me. it's not wrong to expect things...but, it doesn't mean that they're gonna turn out that way.

four years ago i never thought i'd be an indie/almost-emo/piano-rock kid hoping to grow his hair out and straighten it out. i thought i'd be a budding hip-hop/pop star, seriously. i thought i'd still be wearing vests and swearing off t-shirts and jeans. it's not so much changing, but i'm giving in and accepting who i am more so now than ever. it's liberating. really.

but really...i don't expect much out of life at the moment, because i'm directing it and i don't know how it will all come out. i'm optomistic in the hopeful sense...but aside from that, i really don't know how things will turn out in the long run. i don't really have a plan at the moment. i don't want a plan...i don't know if i'll have one four years from now...i don't know who'll be around four years from now...i don't know if anyone will stick around four years from now...it'd be nice, but i can't really expect it.

back to that ancient question: do i expect too much out of people? maybe. maybe i just give people way too much credit, and don't credit myself enough...but, whatever...people are sticking around right now, and that's all that matters: the present.

have a smashing day everyone.

wish me luck tonight. =)