//mood//bitingly.nostalgic
//song//jane : ben.folds[five]

//back[then]
for whatever reason, i've been remembering a lot of stuff from a couple years ago...memories, nonetheless. but, chyeah. most remarkably, senior year...my second favorite year of high school. but, yeah...senior year was really a great year for me, and a miserable year...so, it was balanced in some way or form.

but, the memory that stands out the most has to do with two things that usually go unrelated for me, and two things that really contrast because i love one thing, and i nearly hate the concept of the other: acting (love) and family (nearly detest).

i remember, miraculously, scoring the lead role in the importance of being earnest, by oscar wilde...and i remember that i had dedicated my performance to my recently deceased grandfather. now, i'd been involved in a lot of activities in the arts by that time...but never before do i think that all of my closest family had really seen me do my thing...not all together...not as a full-fledged family. but...i remember for my first real significant role and performance...they were all there: my mom, step-dad, both aunts, her boyfriend, both uncles, both cousins, gramma...and i really think that my grandfather was there in spirit...i really do...i really think he was there with the whole family, watching the show. it was also the first time that the whole family had been together again, since my grandfather's funeral. it's a really good feeling...

it's why i want to be an actor...i think. it's just a beautiful memory that makes me hate the concept of family a little less and less.

//stand
eh...i don't feel like posting anything about my pursuits pertaining to the opposite sex...not today at least. i mean, they're going well...really well, i think...well, as well as they're gonna get...you'll have to get that out of me through conversation right now. i just don't really feel like it right now. eh. no apologies.

//no.soco
i won't be seeing something corporate this weekend as planned =(

unfortunately, i have to be adult, and strategize my priorities:
[une] i only have $13 in checking
[deux] the money pocket in my wallet is collecting dust
[trois] i'm a month behind in debt payments to my dad
[quatre] let's face it, i can't afford to call out anymore days from work

i'd love to celebrate megan's birthday tonight...but, i picked up a shift, and i really can't afford to do anything else right now except for work and school. but, i'll have a little more money next week...and i'll prolly sack up and ask the rentals for some extra money...i'll have to swallow my pride...but, dude, i need money, badly. i can't rely on credit right now...so...yeah.

//odd.vision
last weekend, i had the strangest dream...no joke. the quick synopsis: i end up getting together with an old high school crush, no less, a cheerleader.

it was so random...seriously, out of nowhere. i mean, it's so random to have casey come up in my dreams, when i haven't seen or talked to her in, like, two years about. i don't know...maybe it's some symbolism lying in the back of my head.

this is my interpretation: it was a wake up call.

at the present, things can go two ways concerning my life and the opposite sex.

[uno] i can pussy out, like i did all the time in high school, because i never thought that i was as cool/cute as i really was. i'll never get the girl because i lacked self esteem.

[dos] i can follow through, and realize that maybe a pretty girl could be interested in me...and realize that i'm not as much of a dweeb as i think i am.

if anything...i think it was a sign of things that could be if i don't change my behavior, if i don't change the way i look at myself. i'll keep on dreaming of things that could have been, instead of just going for it. things might actually go the way you'd like them to.

like my acting teacher, karen says, go deeper...and i found a deeper meaning in the dream.

//feeling.good
i'm feeling really good today...

the last song i heard before leaving was deee-lite's groove is in the heart...viva la vh1!!!

//mood//totally.rad
//song.in.head//as.you.sleep : something.corporate

//going.out.on.a[limb]--kinda
today...i'mma take a chance, and see if the offer still stands...if you need a referencial re-cap...here you go:

[says amber]
if you fail your midterm, you have to buy me lunch. if you pass your midterm, then you have to buy me ice cream to celebrate.

well...we'll see if that offer still stands today. ;D

//research
researching the early 80's is kinda fun. kinda. kinda.