//mood//willing.to.do.anything.anything.anything

//good.times
i need money. thursday is pay-day...and today's only monday.

i don't want to use my debit card, besides, i've only got fifteen-dollars in checking. other wise i only have a whopping two dollars and twenty cents.

luckily, at work, all i usually have is a smuckers uncrustables pbj sandwich and drink, since it's cheap and satisfying.

//numbing.the.sore
i miss talking to nikki, it has been awhile since we talked...the last time we talked was a week ago when we'd decided to not date anymore. but, we saw eachother at work yesterday, but didn't get any chances to really converse. but, we'll call eachother sometime, so we promised. we are still friends. and i can pretend not to care. it'll stop hurting eventually, like everything else does.

i mean, the fact that annie won't talk to me stopped hurting. i don't know exactly when, but it did.

//[screw.you]...but.i've_got*closure
fun times.

so, i was talking, and i was supposed to, apparently, get an invite to come back and do my old high school choir show and make a cameo appeareance. but, annie was against this...so, i didn't get the invitation.

this really pisses me off.

but, upon hearing this news, it serves as closure.

no longer will i have to deal with that little voice inside me that always asked what if you'd crawled back? what if you'd stayed?

but, after this crap...i don't care about her anymore.

this news=bridge----->now i'm over it.

it'll be nice to see you gone. have fun at ucla being fake to more people. bitch.

//friends
work is a good place to make friends. as is school.

i need to find a good place to find a good woman.

i haven't felt the way, i feel today
in so long it's hard for me to specify
i'm beginning to notice
how much this feels like a waking limb
pins and needles, nice to know you
good-byyyyyyyyyye, nice to know you
to know...you
--incubus : nice to know you

//mood//like.i've.got.nowhere.left.to.go

//follow_the.leader[down]
for some reason, i have that song stuck in my head...

but, yeah...

i've been in one of those i really need a good hug moods lately. i'd love to say that i've been getting what i need (ultimately: nurturing), but, i can't.

i was reading il's blog and read an interesting suggestion: find someone to weed out all the bad potential mates (kind of like a private investigator type).

i'd just immensely enjoy it if someone could just throw me a girl who didn't have a whole lot of baggage, doesn't live that far, doesn't look to spend her weekends getting high and/or drunk, doesn't wake up in a perpetual haze and/or hangover, doesn't flirt around wildly, is aware of who she is, is not a prude, doesn't hide behind a facade of forced niceness, isn't ignorant, doesn't stick her nose into business that isn't hers...someone that can guarantee me a daily hug (hell, even a monthly make-out at least)...

big lips, nice hips, soft fingertips, glasses, and style don't hurt either.

i'd just like to feel reciprocated and understood at least...and not left out to dry alone.

//the.root.of.ot
i'm really trying to find out why i've been feeling like this.

i'm trying just as hard to think it's not nikki.

i'm trying just as hard to pretend not to care that nikki and i are just friends.

it just seems to easy to think that because i was unable to have a deeper relationship with nikki that i'm unhappy. it seems way too basic to blame her for my faults.

i think that there's just something wrong with me...i think that there's a lot wrong with me.

i just need a self esteem boost.

//double.letters.and.thesis
if ever i need to write a graduate thesis, i think i've got an astounding concept: my inability to develop relationships with girls with double-letters in their names. i mean...look at these:

annie, jenn, jennifer, jill, nikki...

okay, so it has it's flaws, because that suggests that carie was a lucky shot...unless her name is secretly carollyyn...but, yeahh...

but, a lot of my recent dating endeavors have been those girls...maybe i should try to change my luck...

or develop a study on the topic...because i'm a dweeb.

//what.i.need
[~] less distance
[~] inspiration
[~] money
[~] to smile
[~] a good hug

if peeing your pants is cool, then consider me miles davis.
--old lady tour guide in billy madison