i hate putting myself out there to the world like this...but, loneliness really sucks.

yeah...my resolutions for the new year are as follows:
-to not be so scared of life.
-to seize life a little more.
-to find someone special.

simple, right?

i really would like to find someone though...

i've been lonely for long enough...i really just want to find someone that makes my existance seem worth while...makes what i'm doing seem worth while...makes me feel secure. damnit...i'd like someone...someone i could be interested in...something that works both ways...

right now...i'd just like to at least try to find someone special.

(unrelated tangent: conan o'brian rocks.)

i'm on my feet, i'm on the floor, i'm good to go.
all i need is just to hear a song i know.
i wanna always feel that part of this was mine.
i wanna fall in love tonight.

okay...seeing how i've actually got a little bit of time...i'll deliver the 2002 in retrospect.

i started the first hours of 2002 waking up with a complete stranger in my arms...a girl i had just met no longer than 3 hours before then...never talked to her again. a few days after that, i went on my first date with a girl i'd be going out with for the next seven months. then anne and i had our second date: winter formal...and then drama with drama ensued. for the last month of that relationship was break up, then make up, then break up, then make up, then break up, then make up...then i broke up with her. maybe i shouldn't be saying this much about the relationship, she never liked me talking about it on-line...but, whatever. we've talked, like, once, since then...which is a shame...because it would have been nice to be better friends than we are right now. onward...

i'd won the vocal music laureate award the same day as the first time i'd donated blood...bad idea...i almost passed out that day. then there was graduation, where i was the last name called, and i c-walked up to get my little diploma-folder. it was so awesome. at that commencement, i'd sang the national anthem...which sounded damn good.

at the end of summer/beginning of fall, i started seeing jenn...and that lasted a month...but it wasn't what i was looking for...so, i avoided her for a month...and finally broke it off...i didn't even know that she and i were official at the time. that was weird.

i also earned my drivers license a week before my first semester of college...that really cut it close.

then i broke down at the end of the semester...stress or depression? still figuring it out.

found God...but, yeah...still looking for a church.

that's the year in a few paragraphs...there's a lot more to it...but it's all beyond words.

dude. i know it has been awhile...

i'll be back.

for those who have been missing my poetry...i'll be playing catch up as soon as i get a chance...same with this blog...

i've got a lot to say.

miss you t!ff.

happy new year everyone.

i turn 19 on jan. 16.