//mood//smashing.once.again
//song//good.girl : vanessa.marquez

//the.car.woes
my car woes have disappeared! okay...so, like, i go into work on thursday night (i'd been using my grandmother's car)...and, i guess my parents saw an ad and went to a used car dealership and put money down for a 1999 chrysler cirrus.

so my tired-ass is woken up on friday morning, and my mom is all like hey, we want you too see something before we go...next thing i know, i'm in my jammies, my mom grabs a camera, my dad has a pair of car keys in your hand...and they're all like hey, this is your new used car...and i'm like whoa, i just crapped a nokia.

the car is niice. 10cd changer, premium stereo, power windows, power steering, six cylinders, drives nicely, sunroof, air conditioning...it's all good.

so now that my car concerns are non-existant...now the money issue is a little more prevalent, but, if when i get that second job it'll be manageable.

//surprisingly.chipper
despite all the crap in the past week spawned by car troubles and other things, i've been surprisingly upbeat through it all...especially at work of all places. but, yeah...i've just been kinda looking at a larger picture of things lately...i had faith that my car problems would be taken care of before school started, and right now, i have faith that my money issues will be absolved.

//loyalty
the one thing that i look for in other people, more than anything, is loyalty. the more i look at that sentence, i feel like i've just planted the beginnings of becoming a mob boss...but, seriously...loyalty is a quality that i pride myself in having, and a quality that i treasure in others. i don't know why i'm on this trip...but, it was on my mind, and i decided to write it.

//identity
i'm getting pretty proud of the person that i am...i'm kinda getting back to basics. i remember back when i first moved here, like 6th grade, i was damn proud of who i was. i didn't have any problems with establishing an identity...i simply was who i was. i still am who i am...

as vague of a description as it may be of my identity...the fact is, i know enough about myself to know that i like that person. i don't know everything about myself, but i don't have to know everything to be happy. i know that i'm going to die not knowing everything that there was to be known in the world, so i know that it's okay to not know everything. it's okay to not know things...and i'm happy with that.

i write bad-ass music. i help people. i am a loyal friend. i love freely. i take people at face value if need be...and i'll look deeper when i feel like it. i am resilient. i like making out. i love sex. i like to drink. i don't want to let people down. as much as i like to help others, i'm still fairly self-centered, and it provides a balance. i am filipino, despite the fact that i don't fulfill any stereotypes...and i'm filipino and proud. i write crazy poetry. i like rock music. i make mistakes. i love me. there's more to me that you don't know, there's more to me that i don't know. i still love me. i kick ass.

//life.in.general
i don't know what the hell all is going on in my life...and i've chosen not to care all that much...if at all.

all i know is that school starts soon and i wanna get laid...or lei'd.

//mood//clarified

//[one]year
you know what? i just realized that it has been a year since a few choice events in my life.

in the period of that year, i've grown up a bit. and i found clarity.

i can see the bigger picture now that i've grown up in the period of 12 months.

if i was able to endure a relationship with her, i can endure anything.

if i can get over her, i can get over anything.
i wonder if she's over it.
i doubt it. but i still wonder.

after the period of 12 months, i realized that it's okay to feel bitterness toward somebody.
good for me.
good for her.

ahh...to have the ability to breathe fresh air and not care.
it's freaking nice.

//mood//surprisingly.optomistic
//song//the.remedy : jason.mraz

//dead
yes. my car has finally taken its last crap on me...the big blue piece of crap that i used to call my car is dead. so now, i'm looking for a second job and a new car...hopefully i have another car by the end of this week, so i don't go to school car-less.

//looking.up
with all the car-crap...i'm surprisingly optomistic...really i am.

bo and nicole helped me out while my car was on its death bed in k-lot, and it was pretty nice. i really enjoyed their company...it was really comforting.

despite all the trust issues i'm going through with other people, i am finding friends...so, i know that all is not lost...so...rock on with my bad self, and everybody else doesn't really matter.

//money
i'm gonna need money soon...but i bought a lot of cds today...so...whatever...gotta go to work...take it easy y'all...

keep your heads up.