it's so weird looking at that band link list on the left over there...it's mostly rock...it wasn't too long ago when i thought it was going to be mainly hip-hop. i guess it's a part of my evolution as a person and as a music writer and music listener.

hip-hop, for me, has become really bland...with the exception for the innovative artists, such as the roots, missy, timbaland, and the neptunes (for example), whose production value far exceeds the creativity of several other hip-hop artists...also under the exception are the self-aware artists, such as jurassic 5, the roots (again), mos def, and common (to name a few), whose lyrics and style are simply more than just something to make a dollar and be popular, but have a positive message for the most part. it is kinda discomforting that popular hip-hop has been centered around beef...the whole nas/jay-z thing, or the nas/anyone else in the hip-hop industry thing, or the nelly/krs-one thing, or the eminem/benzino thing...it's all so negative...all the i'mma motherf*cking kill you stuff has become monotonous, as well as the bling-blinging, and the degregation of women. that's not to mean i don't listen to nelly, or jay-z (whose unplugged set was awesome), but, i find them to be bland at the same time. i respect hip-hop artists for their talent, you will find a nelly cd, and a jay-z cd in my road collection...but, my roots, j5, and n*e*r*d cds get more play time, just because i find it to be more interesting.

i think that the popularity of negative and/or uncreative hip-hop is a reflection of our society today...where companies are just giving america the same thing over and over again...and hateful message accompanied by a mass-produced beat. if the positive message with the creative sound hit the airwaves at the same rate as popular hip-hop, i don't think there would be so much angst and controversy concerning the hip-hop nation.

maybe that's why i've strayed away from hip-hop...it stopped being fun.

thank you jurassic 5.
thank you roots.
thank you mos def and talib kweli.
thank you common.
thank you for uplifting my faith in hip-hop music.

but for now, i shall go from an aspiring hip-hop artist to an aspiring musician...with an open mind to all music, notably now, rock.

now where's my band damnit?

you know what, i'm in college right now, but i still feel like the same high school geek. whatever, that's not really what i'm concerned with...

i want to find out how to start a band...i have no idea of how to go about it...it's kinda frustrating because i really want to start hearing my music play out...instead on some computer composing system where the guitars and electric guitars and bass sound really weird...and the piano sounds tinny...ugh.

okay...so i am still concerned about that whole high school geek thing...i just don't find myself physically desirable...i mean, i'm not the kind of guy that you see in magazines (yet...)...i mean, it's hard enough being a minority, but you rarely see short asian/pacific islander guys in television...i don't know, sometimes i worry that i won't make it in show business...that's why i'm banking on music so much, banking on making a band...because i know i was meant to be in show business...but, i don't think people will notice me (esp. in rock music) unless i have a band full of people that most of america will be able to relate to (although, i don't know if having a asian/pacific islander frontman would help)...but you know what...looking like a halfie might help to my advantage (funny thing is, i look it, but i'm not a halfie...but i dress like it, now).

if you were to put a label on me, to re-identify me so that you could classify me, you'd probably say that i'm white-washed...but you know what? i'm just as american as every white, black, asian, latino, persian, etc.,...kid my age that grew up in america.

unfortunately, we're always so quick to confuse culture with race...they are two different things. race is merely my biological make-up...it has nothing to do with my culture. i am hardly filipino by culture...as i said, i am american. if you went to the philippines, you would be hard pressed to find anyone like me there, because i am not culturally filipino. i don't speak the language, i don't carry the customs, i don't eat the food (you might think i'm missing out, but when you've been force-fed the stuff all your life, you don't miss it that much).

fine, call me white-washed...i don't care. i am proud of my identity...i am filipino-american...more like _filipino-american.

but damnit...i want my band. if anyone knows how to start a band, note me pleeze!!!

thank you haloscan for restoring the messages from the passed few days, i am no longer pissed off at your staff.

my day at school ended 20 minutes ago. valentine's day is next week, and all i can say about that is: shit. yeah, that's right: shit.

i shouldn't be so un-happy about it...i'd just really like someone to spend it with...you know?

i know that there is hope...and that hope makes me very happy and puts a smile on my face...

yeah. :)

this wait for destiny won't do
be with me please i beseech you
-- the all-american rejects : paper heart

damn you haloscan...your maintenace work deleted the comments from the past couple days...you shall pay dearly...i will complain like a little bitch.

...nothing to say...

millions of thoughts...zero words.

i need to find some recreational activities for valentine's day. recreation...re-creation...just kidding...but, yeah.

here's my assignment to the world:

instead of frowning at what you don't have...
...smile at what you do have.

for example...
instead of pissing off at your crap car, be thankful you've got that car.
instead of pissing off at you bad food, be thankful you've got food.
instead of being sad over loneliness, be thankful that someone loves you.

:)

jumping to conclusions made me fall away from you
-- the starting line : best of me

hi t!ff :)

antropology is going to kick my ass...but, i have a feeling that it will rock at the same time...the professor seems awesome...he teaches at cal every other day, and he is very knowledgable in several areas...i'm looking forward to this semester.

today is fine...friday next week...i don't know...all i can think of is how much it's gonna suck sitting at home in a muu-muu watching television because i'm too lazy and depressed to wear pants or go outside. i wanna go on a date on valentine's day...i don't care if it's a shitty date, i just wanna go out with someone...that's how pathetic i am...sad, huh?

why am i so scared of just going out there and finding some shit date with some girl?

eh..enough of that.

what do you do if you think destiny is out there, but so distant?...

...you know, someone who won't make friday nights suck so much.
...someone that you can be deep with, but still have fun with.
...someone that could reciprocate what you feel...

...but it's so freaking distant.

here we lay again on two separate beds
riding phone lines to hear that familiar voice
-- the starting line : best of me

until next time...

you know what i realized before i went to disneyland on saturday with chris:

punk rock chicks are cute. hella cute.

i want a punk rock chick.

if you could be my punk rock princess,
then i could be your garage band king.
--something corporate : punk rock princess

valentine's day is coming.

well...shit.

another crappy valentine's day...another night to amplify loneliness...i'll find some distraction to make me a little happy...kinda...but, when that ends, i'll feel shitty again.

it won't just be another friday night spent at home...but, another friday night spent at home, while other couples are having fun, spending time together, making out...and stuff.

i wanna do stuff. and make out. and have fun.

i'll probably end up doing stuff. alone. or with platonic friends.

i don't feel as bad as it seems...i'm not that pathetic.

there are cute girls all over campus...maybe things will start looking up.

if you don't like being hurt, then please don't stay.
something corporate : you're gone

woo-who!

it's my first day back to hot girl university (cal state fullerton)!!!

yeah...i'm pretty psyched...yes i am.

gotta go...i've got my one class for the day.

maybe when i'm done with endings this can begin
--something corporate : punk rock princess