//where//inside a big freaking whale.
//mood//a l l . g o o d
//lyric in head//if you're sexy and you know it clap your hands.
//from//dance with me : 112

//(topic header goes here)
yesterday was a trip...it was fun...karaoke night, i mean...and work.

by the time i'd clocked out, the ride had broken down for fifteen minutes. the cool thing is that it's more fun than it sounds, really. during downtime, if you're at the right place, work becomes pretty kickback, and you get to talk to the guests...surprisingly, the guests didn't get too pissed (probably because i was near the ones in front of the line)...but, i've done the downtime thing near the back of the line, and it was just as fun. some guests usually do get frustrated, some guests genuinely don't have a clue what's going on, and some guests are really carefree...it's cool.

anyways...karaoke night was fun...i could barely sing because my voice had been shot from work...so, i made up for it by dancing throughout the restaurant and my whole song, which wasn't very vocally intensive. it was fun...and it was nice to liven up a crowd that had been exposed to a lot of soft rock and slow country for a couple hours...it wasn't as uptempo as it usually is.

i actually jumped into the social scene last night and met a few people...it was nice.

//poetics
go ahead and go to my poetry page...it's fresh and updated baby...just for you.
--windows and mirrors
--tribute to someone i don't know
--overnight (the boy meets girl poem)

*wink*

you're a few years overdue,
i spent them waiting here for you.
--the get up kids : overdue

//where//on the sidewalk selling bootleg t-shirts
//mood//c h i l l
//lyric in head//ain't it just a bitch? what a pain...well it's all a crying shame
//from//get over it : ok go

//oops
yeah...i wrote a couple poems last night that i'd meant to post this morning...but, the ass that i am, i forgot them at home...so, settle for what i've got on poetic impulse for now...then come back tomorrow.

//bands that you're not listening to...and should
my musical tastes range far and wide...kinda.

i'm well aware of the mainstream artists in america right now, because i listen to them...but, i'm also aware of the artists that aren't getting as much radio/mtv airplay as well...so, i'm going to go ahead and publish a list of bands that y'all should be listening to, they're worth a download at least.

as you can see on the left, my favorite band list is diverse with bands that you've heard of, and bands that you probably haven't heard of, and bands that you've kinda heard of. the following installment is the first in a series to profile the lesser-known bands...it's sorta like mtv's you hear it first segments...but, these bands have been heard before...just not to the audience it deserves.

i don't consider these bands/groups/artists underground...but, they're not mainstream...i guess they're midstream. some of these bands are up-and-coming, some of them have strong followings already.

the early november :: they've yet to release an LP, but, they've got two EPs out, one of which is an acoustic EP that can only be purchased at shows and on-line...but, they are both worth getting. they are an awesome live band, if they ever come near your town, you've gotta see them.

the roots :: hip-hop at its finest. why? because it has got true soul. amidst all the arrogant pageantry we see in everyday hip-hop on mtv, the roots break it down all the way back to...the roots of hip-hop. not only is it a hip-hop group, but it is a full band complete with a vocal turntablist. they've been around for awhile making awesome and innovative music, but...it has yet to catch the mainstream ear (their new video is on very light rotation on mtv).

jurassic 5 :: another hip-hop group that is deserving for a larger following, although they are on the cusp of commercial/mainstream success, as mastercard has been using them in an intern promotion. four em-cees and two-turntablists, these guys really rock. they are a great alternative to the mainstream hip-hop that we usually hear on an everyday basis. local rock station kroq actually placed this group on their rotation list, as the local mainstream hip-hop stations opted to place this group on lighter rotation.

so...three bands you're not listening to that you should be listening to. look for next weeks installment.

//can't think
i really can't think of anything else...so...that's it for the day. no end lyric...nothing.

fin.

//where//end of the street listening to traffic stop
//mood//refreshed due to epiphany
//lyric in head//you look like you’re buzzin on x with 3D effects
//from//truth or dare by n-e-r-d

//new beginning
i pressed the reset button on my life once.

i'm about to press it again.

fuck who i used to be...i don't care if what he used to be...

i'm going to be who the hell i want to be.

i don't care who i am, so much as who i want to be.

starting now.

(presses reset)

i am that.

i can do this. because i don't have this problem...i am not this problem...i am bigger than this problem...and i don't need help.

i am not alone.

be who you want to be.

who do you want to be?
--ad-campaign slogan for better luck tomorrow

//where//middle of a road watching cars pass by
//mood//deprived of certain things
//running on//4 hours sleep
//why//the mouse is out for spring break

//too tired
i'm just way too tired to feel anything lately...especially today.

i'm too tired to feel like shit...so maybe that's a good thing. but, i'm also too tired to bust a smile...so...yeah.

//ugly as fuck
i don't know...but, lately, i've just felt fuck-ugly...if even that.

on top of feeling like a total geek wherever i go, thinking that you're fuck-ugly doesn't help much either.

i mean...i feel really unattractive...really really unattractive...with a dorky personality to go with it.

i feel like the complete loser...the ultimate misfit.

//it's that time
...it's this or that tuesday

1. File taxes as early as possible, or wait until the last possible minute?
early as possible...because i need money, quick.

2. File electronically, or mail paper forms?
neither...i have my dad do them.

3. Prepare your own taxes, or have someone do it for you?
see answer two.

4. Are you a saver or a spender?
spender...that's why i need money: i'm in debt.

5. Do you prefer to carry cash, or pay with plastic (credit/debit cards), or by check?
plastic.

6. You're broke and desperately need a job, but the only places that are hiring are retail or fast food places. Which would you pick?
retail.

7. Keeping track of your money: are you more meticulous or careless about it?
careless...that's how i got into debt.

8. What do you do if you find yourself with a lot of change weighing down your purse/pocket/wallet? Do you try to spend it to *get rid of it*, or do you put it in a jar or a piggy bank?
spend.

9. Which form of fake money do you like better...Monopoly money or those chocolate coins covered with gold foil?
monopoly money all the way...less fattening.

10. Thought-provoking question of the week: You find a wallet containing $5,000 in cash, as well as several credit cards and the owner's drivers' license. Your rent is due tomorrow and you're short $200. Do you take the money (some or all of it) and mail back the wallet anonymously...or do you return the wallet with all contents intact?
i'm a broke-ass college kid, what do you think i'd do? actually...my conscience would get the best of me...unless the owner was a hot girl, then i'd hold the wallet for ransom until she went on a date with me.

//where//upper-middle class america.
//mood//not as happy as i know i should be
//lyric in head//(strum-strum, strum-strum) say it ain't so-oh-whoa-oh-whoa.
//lyric from//some song by weezer

//comfort music
yeahh...i haven't been feeling by best lately...so, i decided that i'd try playing my comfort album on the way to school: weezer (blue). damn good album anyways.

//pop-punk-rock weekend part iii
this last weekend was punk-rock weekend number three out of three: sum 41, no use for a name, and the starting line.

unfortunately, by the time we'd gotten to the palladium, we'd missed the starting line because we'd arrived a bit late...needless to say, the words fuck and damnit cycled through my head for a good while. but, nufan made up for it...as did sum41...so...it was a good concert.

if it wasn't for the concerts...i'dve probably stayed home, in bed, not wanting to get out...not wanting to talk to anyone...but, i'd spent $30 for the damned tickets...so, i might as well have gotten sum in my face.

it was weird, i kept on bumping into people that i sort of knew, kinda...well, it happened a couple times. i bumped into a guy who worked at target while i did, and quit a couple weeks before i did...then i bumped into laura o., emie c., maritess, alicia a., and others. it was kinda cool.

//i don't like it
i really don't like my life.

it seems damn pathetic that the only time that i can feel really comfortable being myself is when i'm not being myself (performing).

it seems equally pathetic that i still feel like the high school geek after high school.

i don't know...it seems like i'm really fucked up because i'm still dealing with personal issues and self-esteem issues that i should have dealt with during high school, or at least before i graduated from high school...but no, i'm still whining about my tepid little life...and how i fail to really know other people because i've completely failed in knowing who the hell i am.

i think i was happier when i was lying to myself...when i put on an act for the sake of thinking/pretending/fooling-myself into thinking i could be happy. but, in the long run...i end up lost, i end up feeling very isolated from everything and everyone else.

i'm starting to think that the re-hash of this semi-depressive state has started to take me over completely: physically, emotionally, spiritually...in anyway that it can.

i've had trouble discerning reality from my dreams. i mean, yeah...it's normal to think you're awake when you're actually dreaming...but it's been happening the other way around....as in, i've been thinking i'm dreaming, when i'm actually awake.

i've been getting a little sick...and i don't know where it came from.

i've distanced myself from structured spiritual belief, because i think that it's ludicrous to structure beliefs...that's when they become ideas. i believe in some supreme beings or a supreme being...but...i don't think it's something you can put a finger on...it's not something you should persecute others for, or any of the other things people do for religion.

televangelism just makes me sick...that really doesn't pertain to anything...but, i thought i'd just add that.

there are only really a couple things that give me some ephemeral joy: being on a stage (karaoke for now), being around/calling the few people that i can put all my trust into (at least i've got that, even if i don't need a full hand to count them all), and work. but...i can't do these things all the time...so, i spend most of my time lying around, feeling physically impaired because i'd love to get up and do something, anything...but...there's nothing to do, and nothing i can do to change that.

the world doesn't seem as bright anymore.

i thought i did the right thing by breaking up with annie...because i needed to know that i could get through life without an emotional attachment...it was really important for me to know i could make it in the world alone.

the fact is...i don't think i can make it in the world alone.

just as i am the perpetual high school geek...i'm also perpetually co-dependant. i hate the fact that my mortal-flaw, the thing that defines me as being human, is that i have to depend on others for the basis of living...whether it's happiness, economic success, or self-esteem.

it seems really fucking dumb for me to rely on others for self-esteem...the very thought of that takes the self out of self-esteem...and, i really am a self-centered person.

i can't even afford myself to be arrogant these days.

was it all just an act before?

it's really hard for me to be happy with myself now a days...happy with the person that i am...i keep on challenging myself to be something greater than human on a personal level...everyday has become a battle with myself. in the end...i don't know if i'll end up winning, losing, or torn in half emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually.

watch me unravel i'll soon be naked
lying on the floor, i've come undone
--weezer : undone (the sweater song)