//be sure to scroll down to see today's previous entry

//ultimately, what three minute song i felt best suited my personality
i eventually chose carnival by the cardigans. i felt like i took my voice and movement class through a day in my life with that song.

it begins with nina, the lead singer, taking a drag of a cigarette amidst the noise of organs in the background.
for me, that's my morning...my lulling around against my will, wanting a cigarette to get me through it so that i can get on with my day.

all of a sudden, the music kicks in...a mellow melody and a raging rhythm (yay for alliteration). the melody represents your usual first impression of me: laid back, mellow, almost quiet. but, when you notice the drum and rhythm guitar, you realize, oh shit, there's something alive in this thing. then the dramatic sounding violins kick in, but they're a happy dramatic sound. ultimately, i'm a happy person...at least i strive toward happiness (fun fact: annie, an ex-gf if you didn't know, taught me to strive toward happiness). the way the overall song makes me feel is like when you're riding your bike with the breeze in your face and you're just smiling and shit. that's how i usually feel during a really good day (which are coming more often), a jubilant complacency.

the song draws to a definite close as all the energy tapers off...sleep.

//failed weekend
so, i'm psyched about my weekend, really (no sarcasm...i'm not as sarcastic as i used to be, kinda...not really...kinda). but, yeah...i have my disneyland resort orientation tomorrow. then on sunday, i have my disneyland resort attractions training/orientation. i'll find out where i work. i'm happy...

but...

i really wanted to go to newport beach at sunset this weekend, but i don't wanna go at it alone...i wanted to share it with someone...then eat at ruby's on the pier.

i know that i'm not supposed to care...but, i care a little...at least about getting a date.

i feel like the blow-off guy, the guy that you say, hey, for sure we should hang out sometime, but really, when it comes down to actually doing something you say oh, i'm sorry...i'm, um, busy, i'm always doing random stuff, so, sorry. i always try to brush it off as easily as they brush me off, but, it kinda hurts at the same time.

i feel like the guy everyone is too busy for when it comes down to it. conversely, i sometimes feel like i'm too busy for everyone else at times.

i wish my life was easier.

i wish i knew whose word i could trust when they say oh, i'm sorry, i'm busy, and when i can tell when they don't mean it.

i actually do care a little.

whatever.

but for now i'll look so longingly waiting
for you to want me,
for you to need me,
for you to notice me.
-- dashboard confessional : for you to notice

where//hot girl university
mood//not bad
music in head//oye como va : originally by tito puente
wearing//shit i threw together but still looks good on me

these anti-war protests that i'm seeing are sort of pissing me off.

don't forget that i am anti-war...but...

...okay, so i see these anti-war protests, and there is a lot of good, and one really bad thing that i've noticed that disheartens me.

i'll start with the bad...

//bad
okay...anti-war usually means that you don't enjoy the senseless violence implicated with war...among other things. but...okay...when anti-war rallies break out in violence...doesn't that send out a mixed message to the public? it's quite irresponsible if you ask me.

it's cool, and good, to garner attention for your cause...but...don't taint the message with a bad example. you make everyone else that feels the same way look bad.

also...if you're anti-war, make sure that your opinion is informed...this isn't a real big problem right now, as i am impressed with the informative opinions that my generation has been making on both sides...but, i'd just like to remind everyone with that suggestion.

information is power. that power leads to a stronger opinion and sympathy, which the world needs right now.

also...anti-war protestors, remember to take some time sending your thoughts to the troops fighting this war. you don't have to support the cause, but a lot of these troops are our age.

//good
like i said, a lot of the protestors have been formulating very informed opinions about the situation. i heard a sound-bite yesterday of a female protestor yelling hey bush, cheney, powell, and congress: if you want to fight this war, go send your children to fight it and leave ours alone. that clip was followed by a startling statistic that very few children of congressional politicians actually have children enlisted in any branch of the military. seems a little...i don't know...form your own opinions about it.

//news watch
i must say i've never watched so many news stations and so much news in my life. i am impressed that mtv is taking the time to inform their younger audience about the situation...here's their coverage. i'm actually watching fox news a little bit, now that opinion politics have been taken out of the picture for the while, it isn't such a bad station with really good coverage of the war. msnbc's coverage is semi-decent...it just seems like a kinda-alright product in a really shiny box. cnn and abc have been garnering most of my attention, and peter jennings makes it comforting and easy to pay attention to this needless war.

if i'm anti-war, why am i paying so much attention to it? because you've got to, got to, be informed.

i'll fill you in on my personal life journeys later...take care.

//be sure to click here and read today's previous entry.

//today's test results

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

//taking language for granted
i learned a lot in my anthropology class today. for the first 45 minutes dr. collins was speaking native american choctaw language. in all honesty, i think everyone was a bit thrown off at first...but i revieved the lecture with a very open-mind...and i enjoyed it a lot. the point was to learn what several native american children went through, not knowing english, in classrooms to americanize and christianize them--to encroach their previous way of life, to re-identify them from so-called savagery to civilization. it was a very informative experience, as well as fun, in it's own way. it is very humbling to go into a class not knowing what the professor is saying at all, and having to figure it out for yourself...having a professor put you on the spot in front of a class of 150 students just as confused as you are, and have you count to ten, have you make converstation, have you do math in a language you've never heard ever before. it was a hell of an experience...now i have a deeper understanding of what native american children went through every day for many, many years.

//more test results




Strong, Silent, Baddie-buster

Find out what video-game cliche you are.


I am SOMETHING CORPORATE.
Find out which band you are!

//to do today...
can't think of anything.

//music and me
i need to find a song around 3 minutes long that reflects my personal rhythm and personality for one of my classes. i'm stuck between a few songs: gorillaz : 19-2000 (soulchild remix) (the one in the gum commercial); the cardigans : carnival; or the the starting line : i'm real j.lo/ja-rule cover. the lyrics have no relevance in my choice, it's all based on the music and rhythm.

//19-2000 because it's fun, and an upbeat remix of a moderately down-tempo song...much like myself...a carefree personality breeded from a seemingly mellow one.

//carnival because it is mellow and, at the same time, upbeat...like me. the dramatic whispers of the violin breaks also articulate my melodramatic moodiness. it says that i am down to earth, but, at the same time, funky.

//i'm real (punk cover) because it's just funny and kinda quirky.

i think that i am a screaming kind of person hidden behind a facade of mellowness...i'm a dispositional mutt, if you will. i'll be making my choice tonight, i might stumble upon another song as well. who knows?

i'm also looking for a song with the working potential that i might dance with someone else during the rhythm-body-movement warm-up.

i don't ask for much these days
and i don't bitch and whine if i don't get my way
-- the roots f/cody chesnuTT : the seed (2.0)

location//america
mood//funkalicious, disappointed but hopeful
song in head//underground : ben folds five
wearing//t-shirt + cargos, how simplistic compared to the vests i used to wear

//this morning
i came to school and got the best parking spot possible, so i was kinda psyched about that...but, i stepped out of my car and had a major brain-fart: i locked myself out of the car with the power on. i felt like an ass...but, thank heaven for aaa...they saved my ass.

//in the meantime...
i think i may have a date this saturday night. i wanna go to the beach. we'll see.

//i am...
...anti-war...because i'm pro-diplomacy.
...pro-america...anti-saddam.
...anti-nationalism...pro-patriotism.
...anti-radicalism...pro-troops.

even though i am anti-war (because i don't think it's the right solution to this problem), i am pro-troops. this war is going on whether i like it or not...and these young men and women, so many of them my age, are fighting this war. it would be super-disrespectful for me to not send my prayers and thoughts out to them.

to those who share my anti-war sentiment, i urge you to express yourselves responsibly and respectfully.

the american flag is no joke. the american flag represents a lot to many people, including myself. saluting it is the least we can do as americans, especially in this time of distress...whether or not it is in the name of God.

i understand the sentiment of many of those who support this war, i've agreed to disagree with them, as well as sympathize with some of their reasons.

understanding is important these days. i will say this over and over: it isn't enough to stand your ground in what you believe, but, also to strive for an understanding of those who disagree with you. understanding breeds knowledge.

i support our troops...but, i can't really support the reasons as to why the administration has decided to send our troops into the face of danger.

nonetheless...support the troops, speak your mind (if you're pro-war or anti-war) responsibly, and hope for the best.

let's just hope that this thing goes away as soon as possible.
-- fred durst

location//some school with a bowling alley underground, and ugly buildings above ground
mood//weezerific
song in head//red alert : basement jaxx
wearing//stuff.

i don't really have much to say that deviates from the usual entries.

i mean...i'm still horny as hell.
i still hate my job *(the one before disneyland).
i'm still anti-war.

you know...last weekend, my parents found out about my deplorable credit situation. if you didn't know...i'm in debt of over $800.

i thought they'd be pissed...but...they were incredibly cool about it, and supportive.

my dad has payed off my current debt...so, now, i'm in debt to him upwards of $800...but, it's without interest...which is good.

my tax return is going to straight to my dad, which will take a big chunk out of my debt situation.

my parents are cool. i know.

i want to start going back to the church college group...but, i don't think i'll be going back to the actual church services. with the situation in the world, i don't think that i will be able to agree with the pastor...but, i don't know...i can't go back this sunday because i've got the disney orientation...so...i don't know when i'll be coming back, but i want to.

i still want to see what other religions are all about...

my life has a basis of understanding...i refuse to judge another person (well, i try not to judge others) without gaining an understanding of who/what they are. otherwise, judgements without understanding are based on ignorance.

it's good to stand your ground for something, but, when you don't try to understand all sides of a situation, you really don't know why you're standing your ground, and why the other people are in opposition to you.

i hate flipping the channels to news programs where it's supposed to be a group debate forum, or even a one on one debate forum, and it just turns into a group of people arguing like un-civilized animals. it disgusts me to see people, anti-war as well as pro-war, so inable to reach an understanding of eachother...so stubborn in their own ways to not open up their minds to the other side.

there is a responsible way of protesting the war. speak your mind. inform the public, the supporters and the opposition.

i do not support blocking government buildings so that military troops cannot get through to them, nor do i support the theft nor attempted theft of military arsenal. i see that as irresponsible and almost extremist. it is disrespectful to those who want to stand up for what they believe.

it is one thing to stand up for what you believe, it is another thing to encroach your beliefs on someone else.

encroachment is a part of colonization...trying to make everyone just like one thing.

be you. let other people be other people.

agree to disagree.

the world would be hella boring if we were all the same...and thought the same way.

and you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
-- something corporate : konstantine

//test results to start my day


You are normal. Lucky little you

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

location//some place where really ugly buildings surround me
mood//not bad...so, good
music in head//rewind : craig david
garb//jeans, red allister t-shirt, white.tan vans, glasses

my hair is hella black now. it's kinda crazy, i'm just now getting used to it. i miss the bleach though.

make sure you scroll down and read my entry on the imminent war.

the crush situation is neither good nor bad...it's dormant. i don't really care...the fact that i don't really care that much helps, because it shields me from major disappointment. i just really want to chill...nothing more. anything more than that will just happen if it does. whatever happens, happens. really.

good stuff just really happens, you can't really force the good things in life to occur...they're all surprises...or something that you work for...and you can't work for love.

i think i'm going to like working for disney...maybe...i think. the benefits will be awesome...that's all i've got to say.

saturday night's concert was awesome.

the first band was trouble is...and they were pretty good...it isn't easy being the first band, getting the crowd warmed up and stuff...but they rocked nonetheless...no mosh, but rocked...i'm a fan now.

the next band, i was pretty excited for because i've heard their stuff before and i like it: the early november. they really rocked, mosh and all. they seemed really down to earth...i bought their ep...awesome band...you should definitely check their music out of you already haven't.

finally, the band that i'd come to see: allister. they were awesome, as expected.

it was kinda sad, because when allister said that american hi-fi was coming up next, a majority of the crowd booed...actually...it's funny. but, yeah...i didn't really have any inclination to stay for american hi-fi, neither did chris...so, we bailed.

the concert was awesome.

for all of this i'm better off without you
do you regret all your loneliness?
-- the early november : i want to hear you sad

//my anti-war entry
this is where i'm going to spout off my thoughts on the just-about-imminent war on the iraqi regime.

//americanism, patriotism, and nationalism
this last weekend, there were pro-war rallies. now, i think that it is cool that people will stand up for what they believe, even if i don't agree with it. so, if you're pro-war, that's cool, i don't agree with you, but hey, to each his/her own. the only problem that i really have with it is that they were called pro-american rallies. in calling the rallies pro-american, there is an implication that those who do not support the war are anti-american, which is not true, and, frankly, is a load of bullshit.

i love my country. i'm not necessarily a fan of the administration, but, i love this country. i am very american. the very fact that i have the opportunity to disagree with what is going on is very american. the virtues of free speech and free thought are very american. i have the right to disagree and still be american. i'm no less american than the war supporters...i'm no more american either...i'm just as american. i'm anti-saddam. i think he should go too. but, diplomacy was working until bush destroyed it.

if i'm not american, what am i? i'm sure not filipino. if you go to the phillippines, you'll be hard-pressed to find someone walking down the street that is anything like me...someone that does their hair like me, dresses like me, talks like me, has the same mannerisms...anything like me. that is because i am culturally a part of america. racially, i am filipino...culturally, i am american--in one way or another.

it angers me when fox news belittles the anti-war sentiment by constantly showing the statistic that so many more americans support the war than those who do not. i think that the statistics are very inaccurate. they only reflect a part of society that watches fox news, which is a very conservative news network watched by conservatives, and only americans. the views don't reflect the rest of the world that doesn't watch fox news, nor does it reflect those outside of the united states...many of whom question the motivation behind this war.

it is startling that many americans have failed to distinctify between patriotism and nationalism. i saw this statement on mtv by an nyu professor...and it makes a lot of sense. the belief that many americans are holding are that everything that america does is right, and anyone who disagrees with us is wrong. that is not patriotism. that is ultra-nationalism. in my opinion, nationalistic attitudes are the roots of that which destroys rich cultures that we, as americans, are not familiar of--solely on the basis that they are different. much of the administration in america is adopting a nationalistic attitude...not good.

//why war?
really now, why are we fighting this war? it's like we are charging guilty before any crime has been committed against our country. personally, i think that george w. is simply trying to fight his father's war that ended over 10 years ago.

there is no link between osama bin laden and saddam hussein, no matter what george w. tries to propagandize.

i agree that iraq shouldn't have weapons of mass destruction.
neither should we.
who are we to say that one country is too irresponsible to have these weapons while other countries can?
thank you beastie boys for the insight

//now that the war is 99.9% imminent
there isn't much to do by protesting, since war is just about guaranteed now.

all i can really do now is hope for the best. hope that saddam is eliminated. hope that this war is swift and that very few to no lives are lost in vein of this war without a solid purpose.

hope that we can re-establish a good relationship with the united nations, because by going forward with this war, we break ties with several nations.

hope that we can re-establish what the monroe doctrine was all about...because george w. has pretty much thrown that in the trash.

hope for the best.

hope.

father, father
we don't need to escalate
you see, war is not the answer
for only love can conquer hate
-- marvin gaye : what's going on