//emo//grood!
//song//leaving : the starting line

//smile
so...when you hang out with another cast member of the opposite sex after they get off of work people will itch you for details about the night before. here's an example:

co-cast member: (with hopes of finding details and a positive answer) so are you and carina going out?
me: (smiling slyly and non-suggestively) that's my business. (walk away)

the funny thing is that i don't remember telling anyone about carina and me meeting up...i might have told, like, one or two people...so, it just seems random how fast that news travels. crazy...but, don't expect me to reveal too many details at work or on this blog...well, at work at least...but...

//non-definite
nothing is definite, and i've been saying that for awhile now. now, my hopes are so high that a kiss might kill me...but my expectations are still non-existant. i mean...let us study the december so far...

[week one] quit smoking, infatuated with tasia. got over the infatuation trip and found a little bit of clarity. went to the holiday party, invited alison to come join us. after that, didn't talk to alison or tasia a whole lot.

[week two] continued to quit smoking, developed an infatuation with gingerbread lattes and cheese danishes as a breakfast. met carina, found a lot of common ground, quickly developed an interest in hanging out with her and getting to know her more, cool girl, liking her, hung out, liking her more, people ask questions about my recent actions and i shed nothing because it's my business.

so nate, what happened with that whole tasia thing?
i'm nineteen, i'm only gonna be a teenager for another month, and it's the winter time...so if there ever was a time to take chances and make mistakes, the time is now. as time went by, i calmed down about tasia. i mean, the truth is, it was the first time in a long time that i had been infatuated like that in a long time...but it was in a childish fashion...after i shook that out of my system, i had time to enjoy myself. i like flirting around and seeing what is out there for me...i'm not going to shut any doors just yet, because the future is so uncertain and i am so young.

do i plan on settling down? when i feel the time is right. i don't want to pass up a good thing...when i think that good thing comes around, that's when i'll settle down. it could be soon, it could be later...you never really know these things.

i might date around for a little bit of time...or i might not...who knows? i just don't want to bound myself with rules and expectations. i'm more like a virgin mobile phone: living without a plan.

this haphazard attitude of mine is what will make this december so memorable...just because i think i'm growing up a lot...or at least making discoveries about things that i think are important. i don't know how this all will end up...but, hey, there's hope, and that rocks.

truth be told, and this is the most i'll say for now: i like carina a lot because i've gotten the chance to hang out with her for a little bit...this will take a little more time and patience...i hope all goes well...i know that everything will work out the way that it needs to work out.

that's all i plan on saying about anything right now...i'm looking forward to san diego next week.