i'm hoping all this shit is just stress.

if it's just stress, then i don't need professional help.

if it's just stress, i just need stress management training.

that's comforting. i'm screwed up either way.

just kidding. but i am hoping it is just stress.

when my parents got home from chicago last night, it was the happiest i'd ever been to see them.

i actually admitted to my mom that i might have a problem. she's the last person i've ever come to for anything...until then.

the only thing i couldn't admit to her were my suicidal tendacies.

i was able to tell her everything i'd been going through, except for that.

the funny thing is, i think talking to my mom helped a lot...in a lot of ways. it seemed to bridge the gap between the two of us. it opened a door that i thought had been closed. it was really comforting.

before i went to sleep last night/this morning...i prayed. praying helped too.

my mom told me to try and think about all the things that i'm thankful for.

it helped me take my mind off of the bad, and focus on the good.

there are a lot of good things.

for the most part, i thought of my support group: my friends.

each one of them validified something...that i am worth something...contrary to what i've been thinking for the past while.

i think celina helped a lot in validifying the comments. she just met me not that long ago, and we've only seen eachother a few times, but, she has some sort of faith in me as a person. it just strikes me with awe that someone that i'd met no more than a month ago thinks this of me...it makes me wonder what those who have known me a lot longer think of me.

maybe i just haven't been listening.

time to shine.