//mood//decent* (sometimes i wish i was unaware of the asterisk)

//measuring.up
sometimes i just hate being the awkward short guy with the glasses. if there's one easy way to get me down, it's when i come face to face with the physical standards that i constantly feel like i have to measure up to in order to make it in this world. it's difficult enough having to measure up to the standards that i see everyday in magazines and television...

i think the one bad thing about having a lot of friends that are girls is that it amplifies that physical standard by, like, a million...because when you work at a place where there are a lot of guests and attractive co-cast members, it facilitates anyone to say wow, look at that person--he/she is hot. i just feel like the awkward one in the whole crew, the one young guy no one is really interested in.

to add insult to injury, the old cliche comes into play: the jerk winds up with the girl. i end up being the friend that hears everything about it.

//people.and.possessions
if it's one thing that makes me sick about most guys, it's how a lot of guys will say this girl is mine, i called dibs on her, so you stay away before anything has happened at all.

that just pisses me off, last time i checked, i thought it was a two-way choice between the guy and the girl...not just the guy.

it really pisses me off to hear a guy tell me hey, you back off of her when (1) i'm just talking to the girl; (2) as far as i know, she hasn't sent the guy any signals; and (3) the guy is a complete douche-bag who is dealing with his insecurities with his sexuality.

i was just taught that women are not possessions to be won or for whom to be competed...so, the whole situation kind of makes me sick...and she's unaware of how much of a jerk he is.

all i know is that i don't want to turn this into a competition, and i will not let it. he can let it be one for himself, but...i'm not competing, that's not my style, that's not how i was raised.

//third.wheel
i need to find a new guy best friend, because i'm pretty fed up with having the best friend that always gets the girl without me knowing it until i start having to play third wheel whenever we chill. between me and josh, josh was always the one everyone liked more, got asked to the dances first, and got the girl that i was interested in. i'm supposed to go to disneyland with him and his girlfriend, today...but, it'll feel way too much like old high school times where i was the third wheel...

i haven't done that in a long time, and i don't want to.

//indy.makes.things.better
so, i was feeling really crappy last night after work because
[~] i'm dealing with my own physical insecurities
[~] i'm dealing with the fact that i might have to play the third wheel the next day

i really love hanging out with the indy crew. i got to forget about my problems for awhile, and the asterisk was lifted from above my head for awhile...it was nice. it feels good to laugh and be around people that you trust...it's just nice.

working at indy has totally made up for the fact that i go to a commuter school where it's harder than hell to make friends.

getting to laugh my night away with julie, keoni, brittany, nicole, bo, casey (damn you for assulting my strawberry lemonade), alfredo, and yvette was a blast, as usual...thanks for being awesome co-cast members.