//mood//so emo...so worn-out

it's been awhile...but, hey, an update, finally...

//nikki
you can definitely split my summer so-far into two parts: before i met nikki, after i met nikki.

it's not a bad thing, not one bit...it's just a very emotional thing.

nikki and i are just dating. as much as i'd love for it to surpass that, i have little faith that it will. that's not a bad thing either.

if anything...good things have happened since the first date.

//the_first*date*
right on...

the first date was nothing short of a movie script dream...but spontaneous down to the drive over to her house. (i'd bought her a rose since i saw a conroy's on the way over).

mini-golf was a bit...i don't know...awkward. it was like that first awkward moment, extended over 18 holes and windmills and such. it wasn't until we went to t.g.i. friday's that the ice broke. and it was nice to break it, we really dug into eachother, held nothing back, somewhere in the conversation her lips landed on my lips (and it felt niice), we went to the park, talked more. by the time 12:45 rolled around, we came to the realization that the date had to end somehow. we walked to my car, i told her stay right here, i pull the car out, set the headlights on her, pump up the radio (acoustic version of heaven), and we slowdance in the parking lot.

apparently my spontaneity had been really working out for me that week.

it was awesome.

//afterglow
but, somewhere along the road...

all that glitters isn't necessarily gold.

i'm not going into the bloody details...but, yeahh.

i'm just under the impression that we both need different things at this point in time, and a relationship between the two of us isn't what she needs right now. so...ouch.

things just aren't working out the same way they did after the first date...and it kinda sucks.

she's an awesome girl, don't get me wrong...i'm thinking that now is not the ideal time...unfortunately.

i'm kinda over it, and i no longer think that it is the end of the world...because it isn't...but, a part of me still hurts...

because nikki is such an awesome girl, who i deeply care for...but, time isn't on my side right now.

maybe later, if ever.

we've just got this interestingly weird dynamic between the two of us, and it's kinda fun that way. frustrating at times, but fun.

//how.i.got.through.it
out-of-townies.

luckily, i've been getting to hang out with old friends: mig, carie, mooni, josh v., mikey, david w., kevin h....and it's nice.

they've integrated themselves into that weird karaoke crowd that i've become so accustomed to.

i love being in their presence...the past month has kinda given me a new lease on life...

after nikki and the arrival of new friends, i've been feeling better than ever. it's helped me realize how good i've got things...no matter how bad other things may seem.

mig...wish you were still down here, so i could screw-up more quotes to piss you off (the older the berry...).

i really want to hang out with chris, because it's been awhile, and yesterday was his birthday...but, neither of our schedules have matched up, and it kinda sucks. but...i'll catch up with him.

//things_i_don't*like
i think father's day sucks. i hate it. i harbor a deep abhorration toward it.

i really do hope that the sins of the father do not fall onto the son...because that'd make me the same kind of piss-bag my biological father was.

//distortion
as distorted as my life may seem most of the time...it's pretty fun too.

i know that i'm in an emotional low, but, it's not all bad. not at all. i've actually started talking with my family. i can deal with whatever relationship i have with nikki.

all i really need right now is a good, tight, hug.

and a date.

but a hug, really.

//poetry
poetic impulse should be getting updated with a dozen poems fairly soon, i just got the pictures developed from my costume crew assignment (where i'd written on chalkboards and whiteboards, and took photographs of the poetry to save it)...so, expect an update soon.

see y'all later...or at karaoke.

somebody give me a hug. damnit.

nikki'll give me one at work...i'm sure of it.