//mood//good* (and the asterisk gets smaller)

//situations...will.arise
okay, i got in over my head with some stuff with girls in the past couple weeks...but it's a good thing, because it really helped me see a lot of things in myself that i needed to see for myself. miguel had said to me that (i) am not a casual dater, (i) am a CAUSAL relationshipper (no spelling error). not ready to believe him, or accept it, i went ahead and tried to play the field...the fact is, miguel was right, and now i know this about myself. i was fortunate to find this out with the aid of a couple very cool girls who are still my friends, and they rock my disneyland world.

//i.care
the simple facts about me, that i've just learned, are these:
[~] i am flirtatious, but not just to anyone.
[~] i really do care about people.

honestly, if i see an attractive girl, i will be flirty. my problem is that i need to distinguish my flirting from me trying to make an emotional connection. but, i don't think i can do that, because the reason i flirt, the cause behind my flirting is so that i can plant an emotional bond with a girl...so, maybe i just need to harness my flirtatious energy...well, really i don't need to--i've actually started trying to harness it, i just need to continue harnessing it and controlling it.

i really do care about people, and i think that's why i get depressed a lot...besides getting betrayed by those who i care about most. i don't want to hurt the people i care about, and in turn i get uber-paranoid a lot, and often it seems like those i care about the most will most easily turn their backs on me...it's an irrational fear that i'm trying to get over.

i think that everyone that i've ever had a relationship with has a place in my heart...seriously, i don't prefer to get into the logistics of how i got to that conclusion, but, if you wanna talk about it, i'll talk about it.

gotta go, finish listening to dashboard and then go to werk.