//mood//good* and cared for

//i.really.know.how.it.feels...
...to be, stressed out, stressed out, and come face to face with all of life's adversities...

so, this week the asterisk consists of only a couple things:
[~] too many people at work
[~] my irrational paranoia of gossip concerning my reputation at work

it's really difficult when it's your natural disposition to look for emotional bonds, and at the same time work at a place where a lot of the girls there are very attractive.

//check.your.ego
if there is one thing that i would have to point out in people (in general) and say that this is a trait that i completely detest, it is an utter lack of humility. i am particularly put-off by people who are cocky to the point where it is just arrogant, and have a constant desire to flex their (lack of) power over others. i think it is fun to magnify this weakness when i see it in others...

i don't know, but when certain people keep on stressing the fact that they've worked somewhere a couple more months than most of the new-hires (five months as opposed to 1-3 months), the whole i've been here longer act becomes trite and played out, and very old.

julie, i luv ya, and i can't stand him either.

//gossip.folks
everyone will have something to say about someone. it sucks, but eff em.

//dependacies.like.drugs
nikki keeps saying all i need is a girlfriend...on the one hand, i'm kinda like okay..., and on the other hand i don't like that word need. i mean, i guess i'd like to have one, it'd be nice to have one...but as a dependacy for my well being? i really don't think i need one...that just means i'm not really independent, and pretty pathetic.

the moment girls become a drug for me is the time i need to go to rehab...i don't want to turn out like that.

//what.i'd.like...
not need.

i'd like a really good hug everynow and then, a heart felt hug.

i'd like a passionate kiss everynow and again.

i'd like to have a girl to hold, and to be held as well.

i've got a lot of love to give, and i'd also like some reciprocity.

as much as i'd like to be able to disconnect the emotions/feelings usually associated with these actions, i simply cannot. i'm not capable of doing such things...and trust me, being single would be a lot easier for me if i could disconnect the feelings, but i'm not built like that.

i was born to be the sensitive nice guy, hopeless romantic, that rarely ever gets the girl, and is usually the friend.

is it such a bad thing? sometimes it seems like it, a lot of times it seems like it...

...i just hope it gets better soon.

i'm tired of hoping though. i want to find a glimpse of promise.

i'm not saying i want the end-all be-all of relationships...but, i'd like something special for awhile.

i'd like to know that the person that i am is leading up to something.

i'd like to know that i won't always end up being just the nice-guy friend.

//it's.not.all.bad
i know it sounds all bad and stuff...but, things in nateland are indeed pretty good*. yeah, with the asterisk.

good* is more like good, with a heightened acknowledgement of reality. because, are things really ever all good?

you can't have good without the bad. there is always a balance.

and everything happens for a reason.

it's not so much a dashboard week for me anymore, it's more of a something corporate and zero7 week now.

callin' out to the astronaut
i need some of what you got
i need to be high
crawling out of the world she bought
callin out to the astronaut
i need to be high
--something corporate : the astronaut