alright so, if you haven't already, check out my poetry journal...i updated it with eight new poems, kinda. well, seven out of eight were poems previously unpublished...one dating all the way back to 2000...so...please check it out, i'll be pleased if you do.

i wish i wasn't so preoccupied with whether or not i'm attractive to the opposite sex...you know, physically attractive. a lot of the time, i just feel ugly...or goofy-looking.

it's really weird using my grandmother's computer to do my updates...there's a winter formal picture from a little less than a year ago...the first picture of me and annie...fun times.

but, it's over now...and it was my doing.

do i miss it? every now and then, yes. when you used to be in love, but are presently not, you always miss being in love with someone.

now, i don't think she'll even talk to me. i still want to be her friend...but, that kind of stuff rarely works out.

a lot of my ex-girlfriends refuse to talk to me. sad.

it makes me wonder about what kind of person i've become...if i've spent the past nineteen years becoming a jerk, someone incapable of loving.

i'm just paranoid...because, deep down, i know that i'm a good person...a really good person that wants to make everyone i come in contact with feel special in someway.

i think that's the core of why i get myself down a lot...it just seems impossible to make everyone--everyone--feel special...there will always be those select few people that you won't be able to reach. i need to accept that.

just a few more days, and i'll be nineteen years old. i'm still not that excited.