it's kinda crazy...thinking of the way i live, the things i say...the things i do...compared to the things i want to say, the things i want to do, the way i want to live.

now, they shouldn't be two completely different things...but, they almost are.

so, being white wouldn't be a solution...it wouldn't necessarily make things easier.

i've been looking for excuses as to why i think my life is so pathetic...looking for a way out...instead of persuing an answer and solution.

i've decided to seek answers to the questions in my life. i've decided to seek out solutions. in this, this will take me in the direction that i've wanted my life to go.

i want to let go of what i think...and grasp what i know.

i think too much.

i'm at my best when i'm not thinking...i'm at my best when i know.

i ask too many questions to myself...i don't ask enough questions to the world.

like a performing artist who isn't happy with his personality, i feel that it's time to re-invent myself.

when i say this, i don't mean change my personality, but...re-vamp the way that i live my life.

i've doubted myself way too much in life.

i am somebody.

that's what i need to keep telling myself...i am somebody.