if i died in the next sixteen seconds, and looked back on my life...would i be happy? would my checklist of things to complete be done?

no.

i live life in fear of the next moment. i live in fear of consequences.

i've never really take a grasp of anything in my life. i always have this reticent approach to things...then i'll dive in. i'm tired of playing it safe.

i'm tired of not living by my word. i feel like a fraud to myself...ya know?

always saying that i'll travel to the moon and back for love, but never doing it.

but, i'm confined. i'm confined by time, location, ethnicity, personality, body-type...

as much as i'd love to say that my present life is a bad dream, and that i could wake up in the next sixteen seconds in a new dream, a better dream...i know it's not realistic.

so, i've gotta make the best of the worst.

i've gotta restructure of my life...and focus my energy on that which has always made me happy...and try to see if those things really make me happy, and see if there are other things that will make me happy.