//mood//shaking.it.like.a[polaroid|picture]

//to.quote.a.song
you came to me and said "this could be something"
i'll take something over nothing anyday
--something corporate : inside the pocket

if you look at my status on the sidebar, it says i'm looking for something. it's not necessarily a relationship/girlfriend that i'm looking for...but, it's something (and as andrew mcmahon would say, i'll take something over nothing anyday). iono...for il, she'd prolly describe it as a distraction. i'd like something...i'd like the security of something. it's been over a year since my last relationship...and as much as i've liked being single...i don't know, it's still nothing...and i'd like to have some sort of emotional connection.

it's not like this wanting of mine is dragging me down in anyway...because it doesn't...but...wouldn't it be nice to have that something? that distraction? mmph...at least it's not dragging me down like it used to.

it isn't an emotional torture to be single and alone...but, it'd just be nice to connect with that spark...i miss that spark. i'd like to have that spark with someone that means something...someone that's real...someone that it could work out with.

it's not even about just having someone to make-out with...even though it'd be nice...but...it's about everything that i've never really known...the good and the bad. i've had the good and the bad before...but i didn't know how to deal with it before...now that i've changed, i wonder if i could deal with it differently...with a different person. not annie, not anyone that i've casually dated before...someone different. everyone is different...iono.

i'd like someone who could be proud of me, and kick me in the ass too...but both in a healthy way. my past relationships haven't been healthy...prolly because i never really liked myself before...i never realized my importance in the world. i like me now...

before, i thought all the romantic stuff made me a good boyfriend...but that was only half the job. i was a decent boyfriend by doing a lot of stuff for my girlfriend...but, i was also selfish and ignorant of the other things relationships entail. all in all, i was kind of a kiss ass in other relationships, and i let myself get stepped on a lot...and part of that is my fault.

eh...it'll all come together at the right time.

but, i kinda sidetracked...i don't so much want a relationship...but i want something to replace this nothing...

at least i'm patient about it. i can stop bitching about it and do something about it...but, i don't feel like forcing out anything either. i kinda just want to go with the flow...because that's what has worked out for me lately. i like doing what i want to do...not what i think i should do.

so much to say...so little point.

i'm lacking focus right now...as much as i like singledom...i'm looking to replace it with something, and i don't even know what something is. i need some clarity on the subject.

it's not so much that i'm lonely, because i can deal with being alone...it's more so that i'm...i really don't know.

i'm so weird. i'm done.