//mood//so.fresh+so.clean.clean
//alternate.mood//brushed.aside+forgotten
//song//bigger.than.my.body : john.mayer

//[damn]
it really feels like a monday...

//what[vh1]can.do.to.you
okay...every other time that i watch vh1, they usually have some television special that brings out the word retro-crush...and seriously, if i were nineteen years old in the 1980s, i'd probably be deborah harry's stalker...because she's f___ing hot. omfg, dude...i wish i was nineteen in the 1980s...this generation needs another deborah harry (okay, maybe it was gwen stefani...a generation can never have too many deborah harry's).

//the.beauty.of[being.single]
i've really been appreciating singledom lately. i can hangout with any girl uninhibited by the idea that some other girl will be breathing down my back about it. of course there's a part of me that wouldn't mind being in a relationship--but that's on the condition that there's something there for sure. as for now...being single rocks: i've never had so many female friends in my life...and mi gusta.

the simple fact is that i haven't found what i'm looking for yet.

i like growing up...i was talking to mikey the other day...and i was all like yeah, i liked her in high school...but, who didn't i like in high school?? at first i was just joking, but when i looked at what i said, there was more reality to the statement.

i'm just so weird when it comes to dating, because i don't like the idea of just breaking into a new acquaintanceship with the statement so, uh, yeah...um...you're not doing anything on friday...and, um, yeah, neither am i...so, um, yeah...you wanna go on a date, or something? if you're not doing anything, yeah? it just seems so forced and awkward...

hanging out works just fine for me...if i find something with chemistry, then hey! i'm down for trying something out...but, damnit i'm nineteen and there's a lot for me to learn. i could find love today, i could find love tomorrow, i could have found love yesterday, love could be my friend already, love could be my enemy...whatever...it'll find me, and i'll find it. in the meantime, i've gotta be nineteen and single right now, until some girl convinces me otherwise.

//the.art.of[confidence]+making.friends
i just feel so good about myself, for no apparent reason. i'm so sure of myself these days, with enough uncertainty to keep me grounded. i don't know what it is...but i like it. i can say that i'm happy these days...and it has taken me awhile to get to happy.

i'm very secure with myself, and insecure at the same time. i'm secure enough to the point where i can say i like what i look like when i wear eyeliner--and i don't care if you think i'm queer and introduce myself to new people everyday and also write raw emotional music that no one has ever heard. i'm insecure enough to take a seemingly cowardly approach to dating and overthink things too...but i take pride in my humanity. i effing rock.

i think it's a result of surround myself with good people too, and avoiding caustic relationships. i've surrounded myself with a vast variety of people, some people who really can't get along, people that get along great, people that you'll never put in a room together, and people that you want to put in a room together...it's a nice position to be in. it's not so much about being popular, because i damn sure don't feel that way. it more so about forming the appropriate relationships with each of these people. despite my friendliness, i also can stand up for myself, and confront people and say you flaked on me and you disappointed me. don't do it again or walk out of a friends' house when i don't appreciate his methods of therapy.

friendly people often get taken advantage of or stepped on...but, i've taken a stance in my life where i can hold my ground and not let people get the best of me.

//simple[beauty]
i think that the thing i like best in women is an understated beauty. anyone can be over-the-top...i'll have the opportunity to see over-the-top all the time since i'm a theatre major (this i mean in regards to theatrical make-up...which must be over-the-top). but, understated beauty just strikes me hard...i dig simplicity. a girl in jeans and a t-shirt or tank-top...nothing too flashy...

as much as i love mini-skirts and low-cut hip-hugger jeans...there is so much more to be said about understatements and simplicity.

mini-skirts and flashy make-up doesn't know the words to the songs at the concert...they probably don't even know who the band is...they probably think the band is phantom planet when it's really vendetta red. mini-skirts come by so often at work...and they're nice to look at...but...damn...

i will take the simple jeans and a simple top...because they might have a clue to the bands that i'm listening to, and won't scream cluelessly like a damned trl chick if we go to a show together. she probably won't mind that my 10-cd changer goes from neo-emo to emo-punk to pop to hip-hop to brit-rock to indie-rock. if i can take a girl to a rock show one night then take her to go to a dance club the next night, i think that'd freaking roxor hard. if anything...she'll at least have an open mind.

i'd hate to generalize...but...it's the easiest way to describe what i need to say.

//what.i.like-most.about((these.days))
now that a new semester started a month ago, i've been able to persue friendships/relationships with people that i'd previously wanted to do so with...and it's rewarding. like, on friday night i spent more time talking to jamie than i ever did in the three years of high school we shared...and i think that's really cool. as well as michelle g, who i'd met last year...a fellow theatre major. cool girl. cool people all around me.

don't be part of a scene: make a scene.