//mood//breathing
//current.song//the-places-you.have.come.to[fear]the.most : dashboard.confessional

//caught.up
i have the tendacy to get caught up in the moment...especially in the moments to good happenings. it feels good to think that something might be going as well as you'd hope. on the flipside of things, i can also dread that things aren't going as well as i'd like. the problem with me getting caught up in moments is that i sometimes don't see things for what they really are...and when i do finally take a step back, i either get disappointed or hurt, or prepare myself to do so. sometimes you kinda see these moments coming, but you ignore it because things seem to be going very well, and you start thinking that maybe this time will be different and you won't get hurt.

sometimes i feel like i have this preternatural instinct of knowing when bad things are foreboding in my life...it's kinda like, i know that things aren't really what i thought they were before anything has really happened to give me a reason to think so. maybe i'm just good at reading situations...maybe things have happened enough times to the point that i know when disappointment is around the corner...maybe it's not such a bad thing because if i know disappointment is coming, then i can prevent it from hurting so much.

okay, i'm not going to talk about it anymore, or give anymore thought to this semi-abstract subject...because i've also got other stuff going on.

//back
it was nice to see julie back from palm springs, and i'm glad that she had fun on her vacation. last night, she, her friend meghan, sica, and i all went to denny's after sica and i got off work. it was good times, and more good times are supposed to follow (with another late friday night outing to follow tonight).

the reason i like hanging around sica and julie is because i know that they'll keep it real with me. if anything, in my life, i need people who won't hold anything back from me...people who won't put up any fronts in order to appease me. it's hard to find people like that around here...honesty is a lost art.

sometimes i just really need honesty in my life...as much as as i like to get caught up in the illusions in my life, i also need to have someone smack me in the head with some honesty...and i'm glad that sica and julie are the ones who can do that for me, because i'll be hard-pressed to find other people who will. honesty is a good sign of character, as well as a good marker of friendship.

//current.song//globes+maps : something.corporate

damn, i'm really gonna miss julie when she's gone. but, sica and i will plan the road trip. and it will be awesome.

//summer
summer is fading, just as some of these memories will fade . i kind of don't want to see it fade away...but it has to, and i can't stop fall from coming. school is going to start soon, new classes of people, most of whom i won't get to know, classes of people on a campus full of students who are just as eager to get in and out of the whole thing as i am. i'm gonna get lost in the sea of students who won't care to get to know one another.

at least i'll still have work to go to. and that place rocks.

//ready...break
sometimes i just don't know when to stop...when to say when. i've defined my boundaries, but i don't abide by them. i think it's time for me to say when...and take a break from things that i know that i need to temporarily vacate myself from, even if it may just be for a little while. the smallest break can provide a lot of clarity. it kinda goes back to that thing about me getting caught up about stuff...but, yeah...when i get caught up in stuff, then i tend to overreact to things or over-analyze situations...

it's time for me to call time-out on some things...so that others won't get caught up in my hurricanes, or get killed by my currents.

a train crashed, and everything slows down
i was wishing i could get outta this town
these dreams we had never made you cry
and i am not the twinkle in your eye

i gotta get outta here
'cause you drive me up the wall
and i gotta get outta here
'cause i can't stand to fall
--something corporate : if i die