April 09, 2003

//loc//lo-cal...so-cal...not no-cal...local.
//mood//incredible and jumpy.
//lyric in head//it says sit back and take this time to lose your mind...
//lyric from//this ride by the starting line

//aching for...me???
i really don't know who the identity of this aching4nate person is (in case you don't know who i am referring to...see my tag-board)...but, um...yeah. if i wasn't so damned entertaining, i'd go ahead and remove the tags...but, really, i don't see the harm being done as of yet. it's just entertaining for now...it makes this site a little bit more fun.

//dating around...but not really
i'd love to say that my relationship status is dating around...

...but, the simple and pathetic fact is, i'm hard-pressed to find someone that would date me...just a fun innocent casual date...but, whatever.

i can't really say that i'm dating around when i haven't been on a date for...awhile. we don't need to give a time frame, or anything.

but yeah...i don't know...a date would just be fun...or at least an outing with a new friend, or something.

//friends
i love cal state fullerton, i think it's awesome...except for the fact that it's a commuter school, so, there isn't a lot of sociability involved in this campus...at least not that you can get involved in it easily...so, much differently than in high school, i don't have any social circles to really hang out with. i miss that element, as shallow as it could get...i remember being in a few social circles in high school: the band geeks, choir kids, drama kids, the social misfit circles, my girlfriend's friends, and so on...but, here...there isn't anything like that. i'm not on campus enough to really garner a social circle either...so...damnit.

i guess that's one reason why i'm going to karaoke tonight, because it is a decent social scene...but still...i don't know...they could just as easily not include me in that scene. so...i don't know.

i guess that's another reason why i like working where i do. the indiana jones crew is really tightly knit, at least it seems...so, maybe there's hope there...i hope...i hope there's hope...hoping for hope...how redundantly repetitive.

i guess as shitty as high school was, a part of me misses it...at least the people that i gave a shit about, even if i hang out with a few of them at scattered points in time. the sad thing is, i've lost communication with some of the people i cared about almost completely...the ones that were there from the beginning are scattered about california, but i still keep in contact with them, which is awesome...the ones that i met in the middle i never really cared about...and the ones that were there in the end are standing the tests of time, one of whom i'm really pissed at for his borderline-racism, i don't really talk to the girls much, and the only one of the guys who i hang out with from the end-crew is chris whenever our schedules work (i.e. this saturday: sum 41, starting line, no use for a name @ the palladium!!).

i'd like to think that i'd end my first year of college with a few friends that i picked up from my college...i feel like the one character from the real world that you barely see, in regards to my university experience. it's not that fun.

but...as much as i'm trying to pick up on new relationships, i'd just like to take a moment to count my blessings and thank the friends that i do have.

(in case you're wondering where i'm coming from, i just read mig's blog and it made me think a little bit.)

//reminder about april 11th
remember, if you're lucky enough to live in a city that gets the limited release of better luck tomorrow, GO SEE IT!!!

just like the movie chicago, this movie will go into limited release, then into mainstream release. the overall success of how many cities this movie his revolves around the limited release success.

it is very important to the art of cinema and all performing arts that this movie gets the recognition that it deserves...it's not just about one race for me...it's about being an actor with limited opportunities.

better luck tomorrow his seclected cities friday, april 11.

as we crawl up the stairs
grabbing everything falling down
we rip the shades to see the light
finding hope in broken light

--the early november : ashala rock

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