//mood//can't[complain]
//song//am.i.missing : dashboard/confessional

//updated.not.[outdated]
i went ahead and posted the lyrics to the song that i've been working on in the past few days on poetic impulse...so, check it out:

[~]your living eulogy

//the.premise
the premise of the song is about someone becoming something completely different. you could say that the song is about a friendship gone bad...it's more about the reaction than if anything. the major underlying question in the song is basically what the f*ck happened?

it just kind of hurts to see incredibly sweet people turn sour.

//that-was.a[segue]
i really don't get it...

i've made a lot of really cool friendships over this summer...and some of the stand out in my mind more than others. but there has been this one that has just been biting at me for the past couple weeks, because for no apparent reason it has just sort of begun to become non-existant...as if we'd never met, as if neither of us wanted to meet in the first place. on the one hand, i've come to the point where i kind of see this person as a phony...and i hate phonies. but, on the other hand, i've got this little thing gnawing at me wondering why?

i mean...it's like for awhile, we had a really cool friendship going, and i was really happy with that...i saw this person as becoming a really good friend of mine...but, somewhere along the road, it's like i stopped mattering to this person. i don't appreciate the feeling of being kicked to the curb...and that's the thing that frustrates me the most.

sometimes i just wonder if i'm too nice to people...if i'm too considerate...or whatever. i love my friends, and i loved this friend...and it just puzzles me to see such a drastic change in a person within a short period of time. i just don't get it.

on the one hand, i wanted to talk to this person about it...but, i started wondering: what will this person really get out of it? no one ever gets anything out of the things i need to talk about, because it's probably just as much my fault, and this person will probably find a way to make me feel like i'm overreacting. i still wonder if i should talk to this person about it...but...i'm just tired of drama, and i'm just starting to not care anymore.

//write.you.out
it's kind of sad, but, i've manifested the ability to write people out of my life just as easily as i've let them into my life. it makes my life easier, because it's less that i have to deal with. but, it's also confusing sometimes...ugh...i'm not gonna think about it anymore, the whole subject is losing importance to me.

//under/staffed
last night, we were completely understaffed at work...and it kinda sucked. but, we have not had a crap load of guests either...at most, our wait-time was about 25 minutes...and that didn't last long. we spent most of the night at a 10-15 wait-time period, and that's basically just walking through the temple and straight onto a jeep...but, with so few guests, the few that we had were still incredibly aggrivating...which is strange...because an uncrowded park usually warrants happy guests. it was frustrating having to deal with so many selfish and stupid people that wouldn't pay any attention to anything...last night was supposed to be a decent night...but...obviously, it fared differently...i wasn't as bad as my dramatic interpretation...it was just needlessly frustrating.

//julie
i talked to julie a couple nights ago on my break at work...it was really cool talking to her again. it was kind of funny hearing her with all/most of her voice back (working at indy will kill your voice). i hope she gets better, somehow she contracted some form of mono...right as school started for her, of all times. i really miss her, and hope that i can make it out there to visit her sometime soon (with personal money issues amounting...i'm gonna have to do some super saving).